My dh is a c*rossdresser (posted with his permission)...

[Sensitive Topic]

Some of you may remember that I posted ST at the old YAAPS about finding a store receipt for some pantyhose in my dh's car and I knew they hadn't been brought for me. I outed myself briefly in that thread and then had Anne delete it. PQ cracked me up because she said that while the thought of someone else's dh wearing stockings was quite interesting, she wouldn't like it if it was her dh LOL

This is S*tace*y. I don't mind you guys knowing this is me, just don't want it searchable under my name.

I posted to Sue a while back that I was immersed in a site that dealt with a specific part of my life that I wouldn't/couldn't post about here. Then I thought; WTH? There is no reason not to post about it here. I could help someone out, you never know :-)

So my dh has been c*rossdressing since he was around 10. He is an 'underdresser', which means he likes to wear womens underwear and lingerie. Like many c*rossdressers this has brought him nothing but shame and despair :-(. His mother caught him when he was 11 or so and threatened to send him to the local mental institution - not an idle threat either as she was quite high up the hospital hierachy in nursing and could most likely have done it.

As a funny aside, I think his mother thought he was gay and the reason she likes me so much and was so happy when we got married is because I have 'cured' his 'gayness' :rofl:

Anyway, dh spent many years trying to suppress the urge to do this. Feeling ashamed when he did and regularly purging his feminine wardrobe. It was mostly a stress reliever for him and was/is not a sexual kink. We've had many talks about this and he loves the feeling of silky underthings on his body and the way stockings and camisoles feel. Many people assume that c*rossdressers are gay or bi and some are, but dh is straight. He is definitely a sensitive, thoughtful and very loving guy and 'softer' than a lot of men personality wise. He's suffered a lot from depression, some of it related to this. He always felt like a failure as a 'man'.

I found out about this by accident. Not long after we moved in together I accidentally clicked a wrong link in our bookmarks and found myself in his soft porn collection, which included a site called T*ransvestive T*ransformations. I was :spinning: :yikes: :thud:. He was shocked and scared and humiliated and told me that this was something he used to do a long time ago and didn't do anymore. I did wonder if this was something that you could just 'give up'?. Sure enough, it wasn't.

I found the store receipt and asked him about it? The conversations went like this:
Me: What did you do with the stockings you brought?
Him: Wore them.
Me: ?????????? Um, how was it?
Him: No good, I won't be doing that again.

A few months later I found a pair of stockings drying in a towel and the shit really hit the fan. After a day of not talking to him and planning to leave I realised that what was really killing me inside was the being lied to. We talked and he finally really opened up about the c*rossdressing for the first time. He was terrified that I was going to leave him over it.

I am pretty openminded, but I have to admit I am glad dh does not have a 'femme persona', wear wigs and makeup or shave his body. I do like a 'manly' man physically and I think I would stuggle with him dressing fully en femme. He recently felt safe enough to admit that he would like to underdress every day and I don't have a problem with that.

As I said the women's lingerie is not a sexual kink for him. OTOH I find it pretty damn hot :devil: (Rocky Horror Picture Show anyone?) and I really enjoy shopping for him.

So, that is our story. If anyone would like to ask questions, please do, or you can PM me in confidence.

[collier]

ST, I think you are a really good and caring person to be able to look past this.

I know crossdressing is very different from transgender, but it is in the same ballpark, so to speak. You might be interested in this book:

She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan

It looks like she has written another book too, called I'm Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted: A Memoir

I saw her on Ophra, with her wife. They have been married many years and are (or at least were when they were on the show) still together. I was very moved by their story.

She originally crossdressed, and felt a great deal of shame about it.

Best,

[Storymama]

I really admire the place you've been able to arrive at WRT to this; it clearly represents a big place in your heart you've carved out for this.

It may seem strange to cite this as a source of positively influencing my own understanding of crossdressing, but I really love Eddie Izzard, and came to know him first through his acting roles (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0496343/) - I only learned he was a Very Out crossdresser after reading some more about him. We got his standup performances on DVD, and really, really love those as well. My impression is that he must be well thought of inside the community (true?) because he does such a gracious and FUNNY job of helping people see past that aspect and really get to know him, below the heels and makeup. He does a funny bit about differentiating himself from drag queens ("...Gay men who like to dress as women - big divide there, and I think gay community absolutely agree" LOL) and also from "Weirdo Transvestites" - like: "J. Edgar Hoover, they found out after he died that he was a closet transvestite, and people said that must be why he was such a miserable bastard. No, was just a fuckhead, weirdo transvestive." He really does a lovely job of helping to see it as a a normative (if not common) choice. My kids particularly adore his stuff - they got a big kick out of a bit he does about wanting to be in the Army when he was a kid, because their own (manly man, as you say LOL!) dad is military too. I'm kind of glad that they've had this bit of positive impression early on too (although, not inappropriately early - they are older teens, obviously.)

That's aside from your own story, but I am curious if you if he is well regarded inside the crossdressing community, and it's had a really positive impression on us - and I did think of you guys when I watching all of it for the first time, and it really gave me a different spin, and opened my eyes a little to the side of it you see too.

[Vicky]

I think it is wonderful that you are being so open about it. I don't know how I'd feel if it was my husband, but I am in general a very non-judgmental person regarding gender and sexual issues. Cross dressing is a very interesting phenomenon, one that is greatly misunderstood. I think your DH is lucky to have you to be open with - I am sure that takes away a lot of the anxiety and shame he might feel.

[mirage1]

This is really thoughtful of you to share. {{{{hugs to your and your DH}}}}

[Sue]

(((ST))) You are such a wonderful wife!! I am glad the two of you could find a good place for this! You were right to be hurt by the lies (though I can certainly understand him lying, especially after what his mother did!) I am sure the lying was hurting your DH a lot too. I am happy for they two of you that you found out, he came clean and you've worked it out.

It's an inspiration to see a marriage work like that! Thanks for sharing!

Some of you may remember that I posted ST at the old YAAPS about finding a store receipt for some pantyhose in my dh's car and I knew they hadn't been brought for me. I outed myself briefly in that thread and then had Anne delete it. PQ cracked me up because she said that while the thought of someone else's dh wearing stockings was quite interesting, she wouldn't like it if it was her dh LOL

This is S*tace*y. I don't mind you guys knowing this is me, just don't want it searchable under my name.

I posted to Sue a while back that I was immersed in a site that dealt with a specific part of my life that I wouldn't/couldn't post about here. Then I thought; WTH? There is no reason not to post about it here. I could help someone out, you never know :-)

So my dh has been c*rossdressing since he was around 10. He is an 'underdresser', which means he likes to wear womens underwear and lingerie. Like many c*rossdressers this has brought him nothing but shame and despair :-(. His mother caught him when he was 11 or so and threatened to send him to the local mental institution - not an idle threat either as she was quite high up the hospital hierachy in nursing and could most likely have done it.

As a funny aside, I think his mother thought he was gay and the reason she likes me so much and was so happy when we got married is because I have 'cured' his 'gayness' :rofl:

Anyway, dh spent many years trying to suppress the urge to do this. Feeling ashamed when he did and regularly purging his feminine wardrobe. It was mostly a stress reliever for him and was/is not a sexual kink. We've had many talks about this and he loves the feeling of silky underthings on his body and the way stockings and camisoles feel. Many people assume that c*rossdressers are gay or bi and some are, but dh is straight. He is definitely a sensitive, thoughtful and very loving guy and 'softer' than a lot of men personality wise. He's suffered a lot from depression, some of it related to this. He always felt like a failure as a 'man'.

I found out about this by accident. Not long after we moved in together I accidentally clicked a wrong link in our bookmarks and found myself in his soft porn collection, which included a site called T*ransvestive T*ransformations. I was :spinning: :yikes: :thud:. He was shocked and scared and humiliated and told me that this was something he used to do a long time ago and didn't do anymore. I did wonder if this was something that you could just 'give up'?. Sure enough, it wasn't.

I found the store receipt and asked him about it? The conversations went like this:
Me: What did you do with the stockings you brought?
Him: Wore them.
Me: ?????????? Um, how was it?
Him: No good, I won't be doing that again.

A few months later I found a pair of stockings drying in a towel and the shit really hit the fan. After a day of not talking to him and planning to leave I realised that what was really killing me inside was the being lied to. We talked and he finally really opened up about the c*rossdressing for the first time. He was terrified that I was going to leave him over it.

I am pretty openminded, but I have to admit I am glad dh does not have a 'femme persona', wear wigs and makeup or shave his body. I do like a 'manly' man physically and I think I would stuggle with him dressing fully en femme. He recently felt safe enough to admit that he would like to underdress every day and I don't have a problem with that.

As I said the women's lingerie is not a sexual kink for him. OTOH I find it pretty damn hot :devil: (Rocky Horror Picture Show anyone?) and I really enjoy shopping for him.

So, that is our story. If anyone would like to ask questions, please do, or you can PM me in confidence.

[Hobbes]

Some of you may remember that I posted ST at the old YAAPS about finding a store receipt for some pantyhose in my dh's car and I knew they hadn't been brought for me. I outed myself briefly in that thread and then had Anne delete it. PQ cracked me up because she said that while the thought of someone else's dh wearing stockings was quite interesting, she wouldn't like it if it was her dh LOL

This is S*tace*y. I don't mind you guys knowing this is me, just don't want it searchable under my name.

I posted to Sue a while back that I was immersed in a site that dealt with a specific part of my life that I wouldn't/couldn't post about here. Then I thought; WTH? There is no reason not to post about it here. I could help someone out, you never know :-)

So my dh has been c*rossdressing since he was around 10. He is an 'underdresser', which means he likes to wear womens underwear and lingerie. Like many c*rossdressers this has brought him nothing but shame and despair :-(. His mother caught him when he was 11 or so and threatened to send him to the local mental institution - not an idle threat either as she was quite high up the hospital hierachy in nursing and could most likely have done it.

As a funny aside, I think his mother thought he was gay and the reason she likes me so much and was so happy when we got married is because I have 'cured' his 'gayness' :rofl:

Anyway, dh spent many years trying to suppress the urge to do this. Feeling ashamed when he did and regularly purging his feminine wardrobe. It was mostly a stress reliever for him and was/is not a sexual kink. We've had many talks about this and he loves the feeling of silky underthings on his body and the way stockings and camisoles feel. Many people assume that c*rossdressers are gay or bi and some are, but dh is straight. He is definitely a sensitive, thoughtful and very loving guy and 'softer' than a lot of men personality wise. He's suffered a lot from depression, some of it related to this. He always felt like a failure as a 'man'.

I found out about this by accident. Not long after we moved in together I accidentally clicked a wrong link in our bookmarks and found myself in his soft porn collection, which included a site called T*ransvestive T*ransformations. I was :spinning: :yikes: :thud:. He was shocked and scared and humiliated and told me that this was something he used to do a long time ago and didn't do anymore. I did wonder if this was something that you could just 'give up'?. Sure enough, it wasn't.

I found the store receipt and asked him about it? The conversations went like this:
Me: What did you do with the stockings you brought?
Him: Wore them.
Me: ?????????? Um, how was it?
Him: No good, I won't be doing that again.

A few months later I found a pair of stockings drying in a towel and the shit really hit the fan. After a day of not talking to him and planning to leave I realised that what was really killing me inside was the being lied to. We talked and he finally really opened up about the c*rossdressing for the first time. He was terrified that I was going to leave him over it.

I am pretty openminded, but I have to admit I am glad dh does not have a 'femme persona', wear wigs and makeup or shave his body. I do like a 'manly' man physically and I think I would stuggle with him dressing fully en femme. He recently felt safe enough to admit that he would like to underdress every day and I don't have a problem with that.

As I said the women's lingerie is not a sexual kink for him. OTOH I find it pretty damn hot :devil: (Rocky Horror Picture Show anyone?) and I really enjoy shopping for him.

So, that is our story. If anyone would like to ask questions, please do, or you can PM me in confidence.
Thanks for sharing, it really made me choke up. I can imagine that it'd be difficult to work through this, but I really really admire you for doing so.

We have a boy in our school, 2 years ahead of DD, who loves wearing dresses, always has. He insisted wearing dresses when he was in preschool and kindergarten. It got to the point he'd sneak a dress to school. Finally, they decided (with the teachers and some other parents) that Fridays would be 'wear what you want day' for him (and any kid) and he started wearing dresses on fridays. Amazingly, the other kids (including the boys) didn't make a deal at all about his dresses. They are in second grade and still their class of 22 has "wear what you want day" on Fridays and he wears a dress (usually, not always). I'm not sure how that will be when the kids get older, but now it works.

His story (the boy's, not your DH's necessarily) reminds me of "Ma Vie En Rose (http://www.sonypictures.com/classics/mavieenrose/)", great movie of the love two parents have for their son and how that love eventually won over their difficulties with their son.

Anyway, just again... thank you.

[gfrach]

Oh, ST! I'm glad ya'll found your way through the lies to happiness and acceptance! That's really beautiful! Thank you for sharing with us!

[sarahs]

{{{ST}}} What a wonderful story of love and acceptance. (nt)

[Jessica]

(((ST))) You are such a wonderful wife!! I am glad the two of you could find a good place for this! You were right to be hurt by the lies (though I can certainly understand him lying, especially after what his mother did!) I am sure the lying was hurting your DH a lot too. I am happy for they two of you that you found out, he came clean and you've worked it out.

It's an inspiration to see a marriage work like that! Thanks for sharing!


I wholehearetedly agree. I think it is very compassionate fo you to be willing to question your ideas/limits be able to fully accept him as he is. That is so pure. Thank you for sharing.

[Cat]

I think it is so cool that you were able to be open and work through this with him. I'm sorry that it has to be difficult for him - it seems so odd that it would be considered wrong for anyone to enjoy the feeling of silk against their skin.

-Cat

[MorgnsGrl]

{{{{{ST}}}}} <-- These are hugs of admiration and love for you. I can easily imagine how scared your DH must have been to tell you, and the immense relief he must feel now knowing that you love and support him even though you know his "secret." There are tears in my eyes for him -- I wish I could give him a huge hug and tell him it's okay, that there are lots of people who have secrets, things that make them different, that make them feel afraid, and that he is WONDERFUL exactly as he is. I am so glad that you know this, too, and that he has you. So many people *don't* have someone who truly knows them. I am so happy for both of you that this is something you've been able to be open about together. Thank you for sharing this.

[~PQ]

((((ST)))) I really admire how open the two of you are with each other!! LOL I did get a giggle imagining you asking about what he did w/ the stockings and him casually answering "wore them" in a lovely accent (I imagine he has a lovely accent anyway :D )