parents of kids who are in sports..... please reply to this poll... I swear I am fixing it :)

[niteowll]

I always appreciate the responses I get from all of you women of YAAPS. So if you wouldn't mind giving me a little feedback, I can evaluate how I am handling a difficult situation.

If you got a letter from the Board of your sport association saying the following,

**
In case you don't know me, my name is Sylvia Johnson, and I am the girl's coordinator for FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION. I started working to develop the girls program with Mary Smith in November 2007.

Recently, we have had some changes in the coaching staff for our girls' team. Due to some complaints throughout the season that concerned FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION, we have decided to change our coaching staff. So, we would like to welcome Jane Doe & John Doe to the coaching team. They have both coached girls' fake sport with Neighboring town for several years, and are very excited to step in and coach through the end of the season.
There may be rumors about the specifics of the coaching change, but we don't feel that anything will be gained by going into the details. Please encourage your daughters to ignore rumors and gossip regarding the coaching change. Please also remember that this is a team, and we would like to have everyone work together, include everyone, and be friendly and fair to each other.
We may be changing our practice field location. I will update you via email as soon as possible to give you further information regarding that change.


Thank you for your understanding. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me, or Mary Smith, Head of FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION. Her email is MSmith@fakesport.com


My enthusiasm for this program and this team continues, and I look forward to us continuing to work together. We look forward to seeing you at the game on Monday evening.

[mirage1]

The first one, if I were Joe Parent who didn't really know there WAS gossip going on. If I had some inside knowledge I might have called Mary Smith and asked about it, though.

[niteowll]

The first one, if I were Joe Parent who didn't really know there WAS gossip going on. If I had some inside knowledge I might have called Mary Smith and asked about it, though.

Thanks Margie for helping me with that the other night. My stomach has been in knots ever since and I am tired of fielding hte calls, but I am trying to take the high road.

I thought it might be useful to see if someone here had a different perspective, because I sort of wondered when one of the mom's wrote me a respectful email asking for more information so she could discuss the situation with her daughter. That made me reconsider my vague letter, because I could imagine wondering if he had done something inappropriate that I might need to ask my daughter to make sure he hadn't done something inappropriate towards her. So I am walking a fine line understanding their concern, and trying to not share too much and open up a can of worms.

[Rosemary]

The first one, if I were Joe Parent who didn't really know there WAS gossip going on. If I had some inside knowledge I might have called Mary Smith and asked about it, though.
I picked the first one. I've expereinced this kind of thing from almost day one when Mike was playing. Sometimes it's stupid stuff, that doesn't concern me, doesn't concern my kid, and I'm better off just not knowing. Other times, for various reasons, I am in the know, but I really prefer not to be. There are times when there are things going on that are wrong and a reason to step up and determine if you are in the right place for your child. Many times though, it's just silliness that doesn't involve me. I try very hard to just look at my situation, is my kid having fun, is he learning etc.? If the answer is yes, I just shrug it off.

[niteowll]

also to shed some light on the situation, in the middle of practice the other night, one coach left and suddenly a new coach was there within 15 minutes and took over the field and ran the practice. The board member (me) was there the entire time. The girls asked some questions, but I just replied that Jane Doe was their new coach and left it at that.

[aleutsi]

Other. I would contact the board and ask what was up... especially if I or my child liked the coach. And if someone says "Ignore any gossip surrounding this" that would make me even more curious. If they had sent a letter simply stating "There have been some changes in the staff due to personal reasons, please welcome so and so" without any mention of gossip, then I'd do the shrugging thing. But mention controversy and I want to know what is it ESPECIALLY when it's involving something in which my kids are involved.

If they continued to be vague (I happen to feel that if my kids coach is fired, I want to know the reason - was he molesting the kids??? - cussing around the kids??? WHAT was it???), I might rethink my kids being a part of the organization. I don't need all the details of whatever, I would appreciate a basic explaination, though.

Call me nosey, I don't care! I'm nosey when it comes to the people my kids interact with. :-P

[Annamarie]

if I feel it is someting that potentially I won't agree with in the end or if it effects me or my child in a way that I just can't shrug off.

[Bonny]

I'd probably go with the first one, assuming that if I had no idea of what was going on, it probably wasn't my business. If I did want to know more information, it would probably be best to go to TPTB, and not another parent, simply for the fact that doing so does end up breeding speculation and gossip so easily.

[Rosemary]

Other. I would contact the board and ask what was up... especially if I or my child liked the coach. And if someone says "Ignore any gossip surrounding this" that would make me even more curious. If they had sent a letter simply stating "There have been some changes in the staff due to personal reasons, please welcome so and so" without any mention of gossip, then I'd do the shrugging thing. But mention controversy and I want to know what is it ESPECIALLY when it's involving something in which my kids are involved.

If they continued to be vague (I happen to feel that if my kids coach is fired, I want to know the reason - was he molesting the kids??? - cussing around the kids??? WHAT was it???), I might rethink my kids being a part of the organization. I don't need all the details of whatever, I would appreciate a basic explaination, though.

Call me nosey, I don't care! I'm nosey when it comes to the people my kids interact with. :-P
I see what you are saying. My response is just based on my personal past experience. Similar things like this has happened to us over the past 10 years, different sports, different clubs, different circumstances, but the same general theme. Never has it involved anything serious, it's always involved pettiness between adults, all stuff that does not affect my children. There was one club we left because this kind of drama went on way too much and it seemed like more time was spent on that than actually what they were supposed to be there for. Other than that though, I find this sort of thing almost inevitable when you have a bunch of adult volunteers, most who are in it for the good of the children, but who all come to it with slightly different agendas. Youth atletics is really a crazy world.

[Brenda]

if I feel it is someting that potentially I won't agree with in the end or if it effects me or my child in a way that I just can't shrug off.

This would be me too. Until I knew the WHY, I would be bothered, especially with the wording of the letter.

Had it simply said "personal reasons" or something like that, I could have shrugged it off, but mentioning the gossip creates a situation where some people know more than others, and that would really bother me. I wouldn't let my child know about the reasons or gossip unless it was an older teen, but I would want to know what was going on.

[niteowll]

If they continued to be vague (I happen to feel that if my kids coach is fired, I want to know the reason - was he molesting the kids??? - cussing around the kids??? WHAT was it???), I might rethink my kids being a part of the organization. I don't need all the details of whatever, I would appreciate a basic explaination, though.

Call me nosey, I don't care! I'm nosey when it comes to the people my kids interact with. :-P
Would this continue to be too vague?

I understand your concern and frustration with not knowing the details. Due to confidentiality reasons, it is difficult to for me to share the specifics. To make a comparison, when I have to fire an employee the business world, I am not allowed by law to discuss the situation with any other employee. I feel that since the details of this situation do not impact your daughter beyond having a different coach, I must abide by the decision of the board not to share the specific details.

The most I feel comfortable saying is that in the most recent situation, a complaint was made to the FAKE Sport org board. Former coach, MS Smith (the Fake org president) and I could not come to any resolution on this particular situation, and the decision was made to let him go. It was not an issue of FORMER coach playing a child unfairly.

The Vice President of the (the Girl's sport fake board State governing board) is aware of the situation, and she stands behind my decision as well.

[niteowll]

This would be me too. Until I knew the WHY, I would be bothered, especially with the wording of the letter.

Had it simply said "personal reasons" or something like that, I could have shrugged it off, but mentioning the gossip creates a situation where some people know more than others, and that would really bother me. I wouldn't let my child know about the reasons or gossip unless it was an older teen, but I would want to know what was going on.
I debated for a while about saying 'due to confidentiality reasons', but I was concerned that it would lead people to believe there was a physical contact and did not want to insinuate that.

[Brenda]

I debated for a while about saying 'due to confidentiality reasons', but I was concerned that it would lead people to believe there was a physical contact and did not want to insinuate that.

It probably is a situation where whatever you wrote would have been the wrong thing, KWIM? No matter what you write, some people will not care and others will be insanely curious and want to know the reason.

Perhaps just stating that there has been a change in the coaching staff would and leaving it at that would be best.

[niteowll]

It probably is a situation where whatever you wrote would have been the wrong thing, KWIM? No matter what you write, some people will not care and others will be insanely curious and want to know the reason.

Perhaps just stating that there has been a change in the coaching staff would and leaving it at that would be best.
yes, unfortunately, I already sent the parent letter.
Here's the deal. A mother complained to the board regarding his treatment of her daughter. We told her when she signed up that there would not be any penalty for her daughter getting to practice 5-10 min late because she physically couldn't get her there any earlier. We were trying to build this team, it is the first year of this sport here in our league, and we really needed players and were trying to get girls to sign up. When the board president and I met with the coach, he told us that he was going to keep attendance and play kids based on that, and we told him no, he couldn't do that becuase we already knew that several parents had conflicts and we had assured them upon sign up that we woudl work around this so as to build the team.

Originally this girl was going to the coach's house, with his daughter but this girl felt uncomfortable there for some reason. The mom reverted back to the original plan. It really was a series of events, but we had received 2 other complaints about his inflexibility earlier in the year. Nothing earth shaking, but yet nothing petty.
mom dropped off daughter and he comes over and starts talking to her. Mom sees him turn to parents that are sitting there, and he is gesturing towards her daughter yet speaking to this parents. She steps out of her car and says is there a problem? He said yes, she is always late. mom says, I was told that was not a problem this first year. She does not drive, therefore has no control over how she gets to practice. Will you please speak to me about her tardiness instead? (meanwhile, my daughter is ALWAYS 1/2 hour late and never ONCE has been spoken to)

Coach then refused to let this girl play goalie, but didn't tell her directly, he told another girl that since Girl A is always late, Girl B was now goalie. He did this in such a way that my daughter told me about it and how humiiliating it was for Girl A. (my daughter does not go to school or know these girls personally)

Mom complained to the board. Board president talked to coach and he said it was because she was late and also will sit down at practice and refuse to participate (this is a blatant lie, I have never seen this happen... eta neither has my daughter, who I believe 100&). Board president asked him to turn it to a positive experience . Allow her to play goalie, and let her know it was a privilege and she needed to cooperate and be respectful at practice. Her tardiness was not to be considered when determining if she was goalie.

Next night at practice, I drove Girl and my daughter to practice. They were well ahead of me, and coach started walking towards them in a very aggressive manner. he told them both to run 2 laps because they were late. Girl bend down to tie shoes, coach crouched down by her and started talking to her. I was walking up behind and he was yelling at her (ok, not YELLING, but I would call it berating, scolding, something) for having her mom complain. I came up beside him and he said "oh good you are here, and started talking to her again, but in a slightly nicer voice.

He started talking to her again, and I said, hold off, do not yell at this girl for a complaint her mother made to the board. That is between you and the mother,you need to keep the child out of it.' he threw his clip board down, between me and the girl and said (in a very aggressive way) 'do you want me to do my job? Are you going to allow me to coach? I was blindsided the other night by the board president about this situation and I did you know she was going to talk to me about it? Do you want me to do my job? I said not if it involves you being aggressive and throwing things, and not if it involves berating a child for a complaint her mother made to the board. If you want to talk about this situation, we can all talk together, but I want you to stop talking to the girl about it now. He continued to talk loudly and started in on the girl.

I stepped physically in front of her and told him to stop talking to her. He said he wasn't done and I said yes he was done talking to her, that he needed to stop, he had said enough, the girl was crying and at that point nothing more was going to be said or done. HE said he was NOT done talking to her and then said do you want me to quit? I said if that is what you need to do then yes, go ahead and quit. He kept at me and finally I said, 'you are done, please leave. we do not want you coaching this team anymore'

listen, I was shaking I was so emotionally charged by this. Can you imagine being a 13 YO girl?

[Sue]

I always appreciate the responses I get from all of you women of YAAPS. So if you wouldn't mind giving me a little feedback, I can evaluate how I am handling a difficult situation.

If you got a letter from the Board of your sport association saying the following,

**
In case you don't know me, my name is Sylvia Johnson, and I am the girl's coordinator for FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION. I started working to develop the girls program with Mary Smith in November 2007.

Recently, we have had some changes in the coaching staff for our girls' team. Due to some complaints throughout the season that concerned FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION, we have decided to change our coaching staff. So, we would like to welcome Jane Doe & John Doe to the coaching team. They have both coached girls' fake sport with Neighboring town for several years, and are very excited to step in and coach through the end of the season.
There may be rumors about the specifics of the coaching change, but we don't feel that anything will be gained by going into the details. Please encourage your daughters to ignore rumors and gossip regarding the coaching change. Please also remember that this is a team, and we would like to have everyone work together, include everyone, and be friendly and fair to each other.
We may be changing our practice field location. I will update you via email as soon as possible to give you further information regarding that change.


Thank you for your understanding. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me, or Mary Smith, Head of FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION. Her email is MSmith@fakesport.com


My enthusiasm for this program and this team continues, and I look forward to us continuing to work together. We look forward to seeing you at the game on Monday evening.



WHY OH WHY does "Girl Organization" and Rumor and Gossip seem to go hand and hand so often.

I think this letter is totally unprofessional and frustrating, unless somethign criminal was going on, then I would EXPECT more detail. What was the point in letting the majority of the parents know there was internal crap going on. They just want their kids to play sports!
They could have left out "Due to some complaints throughout the season that concerned FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION, we have decided to change our coaching staff. So, " and "There may be rumors about the specifics of the coaching change, but we don't feel that anything will be gained by going into the details. Please encourage your daughters to ignore rumors and gossip regarding the coaching change. Please also remember that this is a team, and we would like to have everyone work together, include everyone, and be friendly and fair to each other. " And still given parent's all the information they need. IF they children are privy to rumors, or parents HAVE a concern about staffing they can do that individually. They are not offering any real information, just enough to keep the gossip going!

So I would probably ignore everything, unless my DD was unhappy, or I suspected criminal activity.


EDITING SOOOOOOO sorry, after reading the other responses, I realized I may have been super critical of the letter writer, If I had know the source, I would have been more gentle in my response. Because I care about you! But I do think we need to be careful not to add to the drama and accidentally bring uninvolved people in to a charged situation. (((((((((HUGS)))))))) Really Really sorry if this post upset you.

[Sue]

You did a WONDERFUL job handling the situation on the field. I am so sorry this happened to you and the children. I am glad that JERK is gone!!!

If parents call, I may be inclined to say, He has a coaching stlye that we don't feel works with our organzization. And if they push I would say, "We would like our girls to learn _____, ____, and ____" and his goals are different, or his style is too aggresive (you could find a better word I am sure) to promote our vision for the organization.

[elsie]

I checked that I would call and ask for details, and after reading this, I'm sure that would still be my response.

This incident happened on the field, with the team present, yes? So if my kid were on this team, they would have been witness to it. Given my actual child's reporting skills, he wouldn't tell me anything, but I would feel this is a "need to know" situation.

I could never just shrug it off and assume that my child was OK and not involved/affected. It would drive me crazy.

You did a great job of handling this incident in the moment! how stressful!

[niteowll]

EDITING SOOOOOOO sorry, after reading the other responses, I realized I may have been super critical of the letter writer, If I had know the source, I would have been more gentle in my response. Because I care about you! But I do think we need to be careful not to add to the drama and accidentally bring uninvolved people in to a charged situation. (((((((((HUGS)))))))) Really Really sorry if this post upset you.

no,, no... I really wanted honest opinions. The coaches wife was actually stirring up trouble and telling everyone that I said that her daughter was rude and obnoxious and that I fired her husband because I did not like him.

I also sent it because the girls kept asking what was going on that night, and I knew that they would go home and talk to their parents. The way people do pick up and the way the coach hung around until EVERYONE was gone, did not give me any opportunity to talk to parents that evening. The new coach who has coached for years in a neighboring city (she came that night to finish the practice) asked me to please send a letter to the parents. He had also started yelling at me a second time telling me to get the team of HIS field and so on... I would have had to call 20 parents to come get their kids early. It was a mess.

The coaches daughter was also creating drama that evening and kept saying that the other girl was laughing at her (which she was not, I was there the entire time and this did not happen... I had told her after the whole incident that she needed to not make a single comment about it and not even speak to the coaches daughter)

[niteowll]

You did a WONDERFUL job handling the situation on the field. I am so sorry this happened to you and the children. I am glad that JERK is gone!!!

Thanks, tbh I was frightened.. for myself and for the girl. She was shaking as was I. She is actually terrified to come to the game on Monday.

Funny, tho, the Pres of our board mentioned to me, PTG and said she should have trusted her gut. I had too, but stuffed my reaction as well.

That gavin de becker sure knows what he was talking about.

[aleutsi]

Would this continue to be too vague?

I understand your concern and frustration with not knowing the details. Due to confidentiality reasons, it is difficult to for me to share the specifics. To make a comparison, when I have to fire an employee the business world, I am not allowed by law to discuss the situation with any other employee. I feel that since the details of this situation do not impact your daughter beyond having a different coach, I must abide by the decision of the board not to share the specific details.

The most I feel comfortable saying is that in the most recent situation, a complaint was made to the FAKE Sport org board. Former coach, MS Smith (the Fake org president) and I could not come to any resolution on this particular situation, and the decision was made to let him go. It was not an issue of FORMER coach playing a child unfairly.

The Vice President of the (the Girl's sport fake board State governing board) is aware of the situation, and she stands behind my decision as well.

Is someone pestering you for details? That's not something I'd do, so I don't know how to respond to the above. I would go personally (not through email or letters) and ask "Hey, why did so and so leave?" and they could say "Oh, he was fired/let go/terminated" and I'd say "What happened?" they'd say "I can't really say, just don't believe any rumors." and I'd say "Oh, there are rumors? He didn't do anything inappropriate with the kids did he?" and they could say "Oh, no, this was over administrative issues and I'm not at liberty to expand on that." and I'd be fine. Rumors being mentioned would make me think the coach was either stepping over coach/child boundaries or he was abusive verbally or physically to the kids. Assure me that didn't happen and I'm a happy camper.. if I had further questions, I'd go to the coach myself.

If it was over sexual, physical or verbal abuse, I would for sure want to know so I could parent my kids accordingly (ask them if they had any such interactions with the coach, possibly counceling).

And ftr, I do not go around thinking coaches are potential abusers - the majority are very nice and great parents themselves... it's just when they are fired, I get a little suspicious as to WHY especially when someone mentions possible rumors being spread about it.

[niteowll]

If it was over sexual, physical or verbal abuse, I would for sure want to know so I could parent my kids accordingly (ask them if they had any such interactions with the coach, possibly counceling).

And ftr, I do not go around thinking coaches are potential abusers - the majority are very nice and great parents themselves... it's just when they are fired, I get a little suspicious as to WHY especially when someone mentions possible rumors being spread about it.

personally I think that the way the guy approached the girl WAS verbally abusive, he had her cornered, away from the other kids/parents, and when I stepped in, and told him to stop talking to her, I was frightened by the way he threw the clipboard to the ground. I had to physically step in front of the girl to get him to stop yelling at her.

honestly I think he WAS picking on this girl. I did not see him behave inappropriately towards any of the other girls. Why this girl, I have no idea. Why on earth would he have told other parents a few weeks before that she is always late and gesture towards her.. its not their business, and it is as if he was justifying his behavior toward her that day when he was yelling at her. Was it because she stopped getting a ride from him and his family because she felt uncomfortable? Was it because he was being protective of his daughter because this girl stopped coming over and his daughter felt rejected? Who knows. I do know that my daughter was late a lot and he never once said something to her. This girl is terrified of him and probably won't come to the game on Monday because she thinks he'll do something to her or to her mother. THAT makes me very upset.

[Annamarie]

wow, psycho! I wouldn't want that coach around my kids either. I think you did the right thing but I would expect people to question what is going on.

[candeo]

I always appreciate the responses I get from all of you women of YAAPS. So if you wouldn't mind giving me a little feedback, I can evaluate how I am handling a difficult situation.

If you got a letter from the Board of your sport association saying the following,

**
In case you don't know me, my name is Sylvia Johnson, and I am the girl's coordinator for FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION. I started working to develop the girls program with Mary Smith in November 2007.

Recently, we have had some changes in the coaching staff for our girls' team. Due to some complaints throughout the season that concerned FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION, we have decided to change our coaching staff. So, we would like to welcome Jane Doe & John Doe to the coaching team. They have both coached girls' fake sport with Neighboring town for several years, and are very excited to step in and coach through the end of the season.
There may be rumors about the specifics of the coaching change, but we don't feel that anything will be gained by going into the details. Please encourage your daughters to ignore rumors and gossip regarding the coaching change. Please also remember that this is a team, and we would like to have everyone work together, include everyone, and be friendly and fair to each other.
We may be changing our practice field location. I will update you via email as soon as possible to give you further information regarding that change.


Thank you for your understanding. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me, or Mary Smith, Head of FAKE SPORT ORGANIZATION. Her email is MSmith@fakesport.com


My enthusiasm for this program and this team continues, and I look forward to us continuing to work together. We look forward to seeing you at the game on Monday evening.

I have only skimmed the thread, but it looks like you wrote this letter, I'm thinking, and clearly you were up against a difficult situation and were trying to diffuse it, which I think is admirable.

The thing is, I'd guess from the letter that something really big, juicy and out there happened - something pretty drastic and gossip-worthy, and possibly so big that I, as a parent, would think that it might be something I should know about. The way it's worded, it makes me wonder if there were some really inappropriate behavior on the part of the old coach, or something really dangerous that happened, and that sends up my Mama antennae.

So if I got this letter, it would make me way MORE inclined to gossip with other parents, so that I could at least get a sense of whether I had anything to worry about. The opposite of what you were trying to accomplish!

But, I do think that you do not have an obligation to tell everyone all about what happened. And I can tell that you were trying to let people know that it was handled, and they didn't need to worry about it, they could just go on sending their daughters to Fake Sports. And I think that was the right way to go, even if, for me, your wording in telling people not to gossip would have made me want to gossip. :-P

[Sue]

no,, no... I really wanted honest opinions. The coaches wife was actually stirring up trouble and telling everyone that I said that her daughter was rude and obnoxious and that I fired her husband because I did not like him.

I also sent it because the girls kept asking what was going on that night, and I knew that they would go home and talk to their parents. The way people do pick up and the way the coach hung around until EVERYONE was gone, did not give me any opportunity to talk to parents that evening. The new coach who has coached for years in a neighboring city (she came that night to finish the practice) asked me to please send a letter to the parents. He had also started yelling at me a second time telling me to get the team of HIS field and so on... I would have had to call 20 parents to come get their kids early. It was a mess.

The coaches daughter was also creating drama that evening and kept saying that the other girl was laughing at her (which she was not, I was there the entire time and this did not happen... I had told her after the whole incident that she needed to not make a single comment about it and not even speak to the coaches daughter)

The whole situation is horrible! I am sorry you are in the middle of it.

[candeo]

Would this continue to be too vague?

I understand your concern and frustration with not knowing the details. Due to confidentiality reasons, it is difficult to for me to share the specifics. To make a comparison, when I have to fire an employee the business world, I am not allowed by law to discuss the situation with any other employee. I feel that since the details of this situation do not impact your daughter beyond having a different coach, I must abide by the decision of the board not to share the specific details.

The most I feel comfortable saying is that in the most recent situation, a complaint was made to the FAKE Sport org board. Former coach, MS Smith (the Fake org president) and I could not come to any resolution on this particular situation, and the decision was made to let him go. It was not an issue of FORMER coach playing a child unfairly.

The Vice President of the (the Girl's sport fake board State governing board) is aware of the situation, and she stands behind my decision as well.

This amended letter lets people know that the coach was fired, which may be more information than you want to give. Simply saying that out of respect for everyone's confidentiality you don't want to share details might cover it for you.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this (I've read more of the thread now and it sounds really difficult).

[sarahs]

yes, unfortunately, I already sent the parent letter.
Here's the deal. A mother complained to the board regarding his treatment of her daughter. We told her when she signed up that there would not be any penalty for her daughter getting to practice 5-10 min late because she physically couldn't get her there any earlier. We were trying to build this team, it is the first year of this sport here in our league, and we really needed players and were trying to get girls to sign up. When the board president and I met with the coach, he told us that he was going to keep attendance and play kids based on that, and we told him no, he couldn't do that becuase we already knew that several parents had conflicts and we had assured them upon sign up that we woudl work around this so as to build the team.

Originally this girl was going to the coach's house, with his daughter but this girl felt uncomfortable there for some reason. The mom reverted back to the original plan. It really was a series of events, but we had received 2 other complaints about his inflexibility earlier in the year. Nothing earth shaking, but yet nothing petty.
mom dropped off daughter and he comes over and starts talking to her. Mom sees him turn to parents that are sitting there, and he is gesturing towards her daughter yet speaking to this parents. She steps out of her car and says is there a problem? He said yes, she is always late. mom says, I was told that was not a problem this first year. She does not drive, therefore has no control over how she gets to practice. Will you please speak to me about her tardiness instead? (meanwhile, my daughter is ALWAYS 1/2 hour late and never ONCE has been spoken to)

Coach then refused to let this girl play goalie, but didn't tell her directly, he told another girl that since Girl A is always late, Girl B was now goalie. He did this in such a way that my daughter told me about it and how humiiliating it was for Girl A. (my daughter does not go to school or know these girls personally)

Mom complained to the board. Board president talked to coach and he said it was because she was late and also will sit down at practice and refuse to participate (this is a blatant lie, I have never seen this happen... eta neither has my daughter, who I believe 100&). Board president asked him to turn it to a positive experience . Allow her to play goalie, and let her know it was a privilege and she needed to cooperate and be respectful at practice. Her tardiness was not to be considered when determining if she was goalie.

Next night at practice, I drove Girl and my daughter to practice. They were well ahead of me, and coach started walking towards them in a very aggressive manner. he told them both to run 2 laps because they were late. Girl bend down to tie shoes, coach crouched down by her and started talking to her. I was walking up behind and he was yelling at her (ok, not YELLING, but I would call it berating, scolding, something) for having her mom complain. I came up beside him and he said "oh good you are here, and started talking to her again, but in a slightly nicer voice.

He started talking to her again, and I said, hold off, do not yell at this girl for a complaint her mother made to the board. That is between you and the mother,you need to keep the child out of it.' he threw his clip board down, between me and the girl and said (in a very aggressive way) 'do you want me to do my job? Are you going to allow me to coach? I was blindsided the other night by the board president about this situation and I did you know she was going to talk to me about it? Do you want me to do my job? I said not if it involves you being aggressive and throwing things, and not if it involves berating a child for a complaint her mother made to the board. If you want to talk about this situation, we can all talk together, but I want you to stop talking to the girl about it now. He continued to talk loudly and started in on the girl.

I stepped physically in front of her and told him to stop talking to her. He said he wasn't done and I said yes he was done talking to her, that he needed to stop, he had said enough, the girl was crying and at that point nothing more was going to be said or done. HE said he was NOT done talking to her and then said do you want me to quit? I said if that is what you need to do then yes, go ahead and quit. He kept at me and finally I said, 'you are done, please leave. we do not want you coaching this team anymore'

listen, I was shaking I was so emotionally charged by this. Can you imagine being a 13 YO girl?

{{{{{K}}}}} You should be very proud of yourself for protecting that girl from such a bully. I am sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds awful.

[niteowll]

And I think that was the right way to go, even if, for me, your wording in telling people not to gossip would have made me want to gossip. :-P

phew. First game, post drama. Old coach was there and he and his wife were trying to stare me down and the girl. The only other person who was difficult was criticizing my every move on the field. (I was clearing the sidelines of spectators, but after a while I stopped.) It turned out fine and sounds like the girls like the new coaches better.

Phew. Glad that is over. Now to our first practice tomorrow, post drama.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I told the girls mom about your responses and how sorry you were that this girl was put in that situation of having this man treat her that way.

Honestly, I phrased my initial post the way I did, because I would rather get the honest, from the heart feedback, rather than have it tempered by,. oh, I know her , I should be soft. I really wanted your gut reactions, so thank you. I also know that I as a mom, would have wanted more information, but I thought if I said he was verbally abusive, or something, then it would become a he said she said I did not type of situation... It has been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG weekend since June 19th!

Love you ladies!