That's it. I am doing a food journal for the kids

[Peggyann]

and taking it to their Dr. when they go back next week, so he can tell my Mom to STFU!!!!

**smarmyvoice** "what are you going to feed them, bananas, carrots or yogurt, no wonder they are always hungry"

bite my ass, old lady. I'm not going to feed them a bunch of empty processed calories to make YOU happy. And this morning at your house?? When Aidan IMMEDIEATLY came in and said "I'm hungry" and started looking thru Dad's snack basket?? Yeah. 10 minutes earlier he had just eaten a 2egg cheese omelet, 2 turkey sausage links and a piece of 7 grain toast. It's a GAME. He knows you keep JUNK at your house.

GARGH!!!

~PA~

[Peggyann]

This was today:

Aidan, 6

Large banana
2 egg omelet with cheese
2 turkey sausage
1 whole wheat toast

hot dog on whole wheat bread
carrots sticks with ranch

Apple with peanut butter

Cheese stick, grapes

Assload of cookies (at my parents house)

Grilled pork chop
Mac and cheese (homemade)
Spinach salad

2 cookies, skim milk

Karys, 3
large banana
2 scrambled eggs
2 turkey sausage
cantelope cubes

hot dog and whole wheat bread
carrot sticks with ranch

apple with peanut butter

cheese stick, cantelope

((no cookies, she didn't go to my parents house))

chicken nuggets
mac and cheese (homemade)
spinach salad

2 cookies, skim

~PA~

[Peggyann]

Thanks Trish. I know it, but I don't know it. Ya know?? I think the reason it bugs me so much is because ya, I do half ass a lot of things, but I don't half ass with my kids. She's probably mad at my sister and trying to pick a fight with me to make herself feel better :spinning:

~PA~


I'm sure you already know this, but you don't have to prove ANYTHING to your mom. If you know your kids are ok....they are ok. You're a grown woman and she has no real power over you any more. I'm so sorry.

[karunamayi]

and really... is a little appreciation and glorification of this mostly thankless job too much to ask? It's this weird twighlight zone of "I really don't appreciate your parenting, but, you raised me and I do feel the need to hear that I am doing an OK job from you".

I know trish is right and I *totally* get your position, too.

[Peggyann]

I think you and Trish are hitting the nail on the head.

Sometimes I think that her criticism of they way I do things is actually a *defense* of the way she did things. I just wish she would realize that my doing things different is not me thumbing my nose at her, yk?

~PA~


and really... is a little appreciation and glorification of this mostly thankless job too much to ask? It's this weird twighlight zone of "I really don't appreciate your parenting, but, you raised me and I do feel the need to hear that I am doing an OK job from you".

I know trish is right and I *totally* get your position, too.

[indigo]

Thanks Trish. I know it, but I don't know it. Ya know?? I think the reason it bugs me so much is because ya, I do half ass a lot of things, but I don't half ass with my kids. She's probably mad at my sister and trying to pick a fight with me to make herself feel better :spinning:

~PA~

You should feel really good that you're breaking the family tradition/habit of unhealthy eating habits. I know that is very, very hard, and not something I've been too successful with regarding my own kids! You have a lot to be proud of.

But another one to break is the dependence on your mother's opionion of you. You're a grown woman but you still act in some ways like she is in charge of you. Stop proving things to her! You've been through this before. Come up with a stock phrase that you can say until it loses all meaning to you. Maybe, "Thanks, but I'm his mom." And DO NOT ENGAGE. If she escalates, calmly say, "I'm not going to listen to this" and leave.

You do not have to prove anything to your mom. You do not have to please her. She does not have to agree with you. I get that she's got problems and doesn't always converse in a constructive way but you've got to draw the line here.

Think of it like the food issue. You are doing things a different way FOR YOUR KIDS. And just think, because of how you're feeding them (gizzards notwithstanding, lol) the food battle is one that they're probably not going to have to engage in as adults. You've fought it for them! (Kind of like those of us who broke the chain of spanking - how wonderful that our kids might not even have the urge as parents to spank!)

Fight this one too. Learn to disengage from your mom. Get help if you need to, because like the food issue, like the spanking, learning to insist on being treated like an adult by your parents is damn hard work, but you're not just doing it for yourself. You're doing it for your kids so that they don't have to fight that battle as adults.

I know I went off topic here a bit, but I just think it's the larger picture. Do not make a food diary for your mom. Disengage.

[Christi]

I probably seem like a walking, talking (typing) ad for this article, but I just have to post it again. is a WONDERFUL article on responding to criticism that I and many others have found extremely helpful. It's from LLL's New Beginnings magazine and it addresses responding to criticism about breastfeeding, but it could be useful in any situation. One of the things I found useful is that it breaks down a variety of ways you could respond - you get to decide how you do it.

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJulAug99p116.html

((((PA)))) I'm sorry you're having a rough time with your mom. It is perfectly appropriate for you to limit your children's intake of less-than-healthy food when at your mom's house, especially since they go there frequently.

[Bickery]

LOL Christi, I've passed that one on a time or two myself.

(((PA))) I understand. I wanna go star this thread simply because of the great recommendations and comments.

Now go make me a diary that proves that you're not letting mom under your skin about this anymore, okay? :rofl:

[gfrach]

I really hear you on this, PA. I have to say that I really think me doing things so differently with regard to C than my mom did with us is a huge part of why our relationship is in the shape it's in. She is apparently unable to understand that if I do it differently it is not a criticism of how she did it. :-(

Hugs! You are a great mom and your 6 yo eats more than my 11 yo does! (Of course at first I read that aidan ate 6 large bananas today and I thought that could be a slight problem--at least in the poop dept.) LOL!

[Gargoyle]

and really... is a little appreciation and glorification of this mostly thankless job too much to ask? It's this weird twighlight zone of "I really don't appreciate your parenting, but, you raised me and I do feel the need to hear that I am doing an OK job from you".

I know trish is right and I *totally* get your position, too.

I think you and Trish are hitting the nail on the head.

Sometimes I think that her criticism of they way I do things is actually a *defense* of the way she did things. I just wish she would realize that my doing things different is not me thumbing my nose at her, yk?

~PA~

I totally agree with you guys. You do deserve some recognition that you're doing a good job and no matter how many times a mama hurts you, she's still in the end, your mama. That is a hard thing to get past, that you're ok, even if mama says hurtful things.

I also do think a lot of times, the criticism comes from either their defense of the way they did it, like you're saying they did it wrong, if you decide to do it differently. That and sometimes, they realize they did do it wrong and are either pissed about it or upset because, well damn it, you figured it out and changed it where they didn't.

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))) sweety.

[MorgnsGrl]

Your kids are eating WHOLE, HEALTHY food. So what if it takes more of that to fill them up than it would if they were eating a ton of processed junk? I am SO impressed that your kids eat so many fruits and vegetables.

[karunamayi]

on that note... I am *dreading* becoming a granma. If I get a little bent bc J Lo is not nursing.... lol IS there even an emoticon for this?

Oh, here...

This to their face:
:silenced:

and this at home:
:jacket:

[Bickery]

on that note... I am *dreading* becoming a granma. If I get a little bent bc J Lo is not nursing.... lol IS there even an emoticon for this?

Oh, here...

This to their face:
:silenced:

and this at home:
:jacket:

I wonder what the stumbling blocks will be?

I will feel very sad if my children become distainful of the time that I spent with them when they were small. I remember feeling this way toward my mother and while some of it is called for (I'm talking about dropping the youngest off at jr high and spending the day in jammies in front of the tv for days on end), I still feel icky.

[karunamayi]

well, diet. Faith. birth. Parenting. marriage. Huh... you name it.

I am really trying to deal with this now bc I know that I have the propensity to be over bearing and controlling. The typical "matriarch". It even comes up in my friendships.

I literally have to stop and *think* about what sterling has asked me bc my knee-jerk reaction is to answer as though he's 7 and not almost 12. I have to really try and be present to what his needs are and what I'm willing to surrender to. So, I make lots of compromises.

"yes, you can go to Jose's house, but you have to be back at 4:15. That doesn't mean calling me at 4:15 to say you're coming, but walking in the door at 4:15".

That one was tough for me, but I can see that it's necessary. The kids still don't do sleepovers, tho. Chaya has a couple of times, but they are devotees and I know them.

[Bickery]

well, diet. Faith. birth. Parenting. marriage. Huh... you name it.

I am really trying to deal with this now bc I know that I have the propensity to be over bearing and controlling. The typical "matriarch". It even comes up in my friendships.



One of my plans is to have a rich, fulfilling life with lots of interests and friends so that I have things to think about other than the minutia of my children's lives.

Wish me luck :p

[karunamayi]

:smack: What a good idea!!! lol thanks.

[azul99]

One of my plans is to have a rich, fulfilling life with lots of interests and friends so that I have things to think about other than the minutia of my children's lives.

I'm actually looking forward to picking my life back up. I had a rich, fulfilling life pre-kids (had my first at 36), and look forward to having it again. I'll feel sad when they have grown up, but will also really enjoy myself!

[indigo]

I'm actually looking forward to picking my life back up. I had a rich, fulfilling life pre-kids (had my first at 36), and look forward to having it again. I'll feel sad when they have grown up, but will also really enjoy myself!

What sort of things do you look forward to doing again? I sometimes try to picture myself in a few (yes, it's just a few!) years when my kids are grown, and sometimes I honestly have a hard time picturing it. When I think of what I was doing before my kids were born, well, that's defintely not what I want to do again. I was working full time at a job I didn't care anything for. Now I'm freelance writing and I expect that will gradually expand as my kids require less from me. I just have a little bit of a hard time picturing the whole thing, you know?

[Hobbes]

Thanks Trish. I know it, but I don't know it. Ya know?? I think the reason it bugs me so much is because ya, I do half ass a lot of things, but I don't half ass with my kids. She's probably mad at my sister and trying to pick a fight with me to make herself feel better :spinning:

~PA~
God, seems like a generational thing. FIL thinks we starve Emma, she eats like yours. But she's ALWAYS asking for food. She can eat 2 eggs, cheese, banana, wholewheat tortilla w/ refried beans and orange juice then come back 20 minutes later and eat another banana with peanut butter, an orange and some pistacio nuts ... and then when she asks for cookies 30 minutes later and I say no (we have a rule, cookies and candy are treats, not snacks, for weekends, special occasions, desert after dinner sometimes).. my FIL thinks I'm STARVING her (his words). He offers her a bag of potato chips (not a small one, a big one) and some candy right AFTER I say no to cookies.

ARGH. I just let it go because we aren't there all the time and I remember very clearly my grandmother stuffing us with ice cream and cookies everytime we went to her house...

I guess going to grandparent's house IS a special occasion for her.. so .. hmm :D

[Peggyann]

Thanks Trey :*

So basically, when we all get together (wish wish wish), we should just set out an all you can eat buffet for the kids?? :jester:

I think it is generational, and yannow, I do remember going to my paternal grandparents house as a child Aidan and Emma's age and GORGING myself on the mini york ppmnt patties that were always there for me.

~PA~


God, seems like a generational thing. FIL thinks we starve Emma, she eats like yours. But she's ALWAYS asking for food. She can eat 2 eggs, cheese, banana, wholewheat tortilla w/ refried beans and orange juice then come back 20 minutes later and eat another banana with peanut butter, an orange and some pistacio nuts ... and then when she asks for cookies 30 minutes later and I say no (we have a rule, cookies and candy are treats, not snacks, for weekends, special occasions, desert after dinner sometimes).. my FIL thinks I'm STARVING her (his words). He offers her a bag of potato chips (not a small one, a big one) and some candy right AFTER I say no to cookies.

ARGH. I just let it go because we aren't there all the time and I remember very clearly my grandmother stuffing us with ice cream and cookies everytime we went to her house...

I guess going to grandparent's house IS a special occasion for her.. so .. hmm :D

[Hobbes]

What sort of things do you look forward to doing again? I sometimes try to picture myself in a few (yes, it's just a few!) years when my kids are grown, and sometimes I honestly have a hard time picturing it. When I think of what I was doing before my kids were born, well, that's defintely not what I want to do again. I was working full time at a job I didn't care anything for. Now I'm freelance writing and I expect that will gradually expand as my kids require less from me. I just have a little bit of a hard time picturing the whole thing, you know?
Oh for me.. (and it's a long time away and I'm going to be an old man..) it's going to be travel, more travel, some more travel after that, lots of books, write the 4 novels and 2 non-fiction books in my head, take some fun classes in history, photography, art, oh, and did I say travel. Yes, definitely travel.

[indigo]

Oh for me.. (and it's a long time away and I'm going to be an old man..) it's going to be travel, more travel, some more travel after that, lots of books, write the 4 novels and 2 non-fiction books in my head, take some fun classes in history, photography, art, oh, and did I say travel. Yes, definitely travel.

Hmmm....that sounds nice. I'd better save some money.

[azul99]

What sort of things do you look forward to doing again? I sometimes try to picture myself in a few (yes, it's just a few!) years when my kids are grown, and sometimes I honestly have a hard time picturing it. When I think of what I was doing before my kids were born, well, that's defintely not what I want to do again. I was working full time at a job I didn't care anything for. Now I'm freelance writing and I expect that will gradually expand as my kids require less from me. I just have a little bit of a hard time picturing the whole thing, you know?

Let's see. I have a mental list going, here, now that you've asked - LOL:

*Contradance, swing dance, cajun dance - I did that regularly, several nights a week pre-kids (I would do this with and without DH)
*Volunteer teaching English as a second language
*Volunteer using Spanish-language skills (sorely needed in this area in lots of different ways)
*Knitting - I want to take classes, get better at it, and get projects DONE
*Education - take classes in various areas, especially theology and religion
*Travel - I want to walk the Camino de Santiago in France and Spain; go to Israel; Argentina; and a few places in Europe.

I expect to work until DS2 has finished college (another 16 years or so), and possibly but not necessarily after that. Sometimes I toy with the idea of a second career as a Lutheran minister, which is totally feasible at that age, especially if I don't *need* the income and benefits.

[Kerry]

Dang, I wish my kids' diet looked like yours (especially my daughter). She only eats about two bites of anything (unless it's crap, then she will gladly eat it all and ask for seconds).

[Meagan]

I'm actually looking forward to picking my life back up. I had a rich, fulfilling life pre-kids (had my first at 36), and look forward to having it again. I'll feel sad when they have grown up, but will also really enjoy myself!

I'm looking forward to it too, cause I've never really had it! Well, not for long, anyway--I was barely 20 when I had Jacob so even though I had a bit of freedom, I had no money and squandered a lot of my free time. On the other hand, you can't really miss what you've never had, and I think my adjustment to the commitment and lack of free time that came with motherhood was relatively easy.

It's crazy to think I'll only be ****46**** when my youngest kid is an adult (assuming he's really the last)! I mean, I'll still have a whole lifetime after that!!! I can see myself launching myself into an entirely new career, maybe starting a company, performing, traveling...whatever. Maybe I'll cram a couple of totally different lives in there.

But it's very strange to think about not being a mom first. As an adult, it's all I've ever really known.