I was going to go sensitive topic but why bother...

[movingon]

I am making headway with my issues. I am on a drug combo I feel better on. And I am completely purge free. For almost a year before December past, I was comepletely in starve mode. I have put on a bit of weight. I don't own a scale - but some of my 2's are tight. In my head, I know I am at a better weight. I know starving is bad for many reasons, But I still get obsessed thinkinh of not wearing that stupid size. All I see when I look in the mirror is my "perceived" flaws. My mom says just let it go. And in my heart I don't want to be obsessed. I can't go into starve mode again - it exhausts me.

So, maybe I am asking for advise, books, ect...I need a boost- I still haven't made IRL friends here.

[libbylibbylibby]

I am praying for you.
I wish I could give good advice -- have you gone to somethingfishy, for help from those folks? They are really really nice over there, and I think their book list is helpful. I would say, don't look in the mirror. Throw out the clothes that don't fit. Can you afford to get nice clothes that do fit? Do something that is kind to you that doesn't involve food, or your body.
Gurze books has a nice selection of stuff -- things like The Body Image Workbook (http://www.gurze.com/productdetails.cfm?PC=1147) and Bodylove (http://www.gurze.com/productdetails.cfm?PC=1156). You may want to check those out. I found The Body Image Workbook very very difficult, but I think you need to be in a place to work on it. I hope you understand what I am saying -- I was not in a place where I wanted to like myself, just in a place where I needed to convince others that was what I wanted to do, and so the exercises were hard to complete.
I am happy to chit chat with you if you need a boost, my number is nine 7 eight four five 8 five eight 90, and I'm home pretty frequently in the evenings (if I'm not, I'll call you back).
Take care of YOU -- that is what I would say. And eat enough!
(((HUGS)))