Yesterday someone complimented my haircut and told me it made me "look younger." WTF?

[Amanda]

Oddly, I have had this haircut for maybe 9 months already and suddenly now people are noticing.

Does this imply that I looked older before, and that such a thing was undesirable? I guess it must.

I'm only 36. And I don't have any desire to look younger than I am. :rant:

[Vicky]

How did you have your hair cut? Do you have a picture, by chance?

[Hawthorne]

I shouldn't laugh, but I am... because yesterday my dad said to me "you look pretty!" and I told him to shut up. :bag: I then went on to give him an ill-received speech about how I don't appreciate that he tells me I'm pretty when I wear lipstick, or a long skirt, and always points out when I have acne, or how tired I look (things like, "what happened!? you look like you have a black eye!"). I asked him if he loves me for who I am. Anyway, I pissed him off pretty good... I know his intentions are in the right place, but his priorities are NOT and 30 years of that is enough.
So I HEAR where you're coming from. I have battled with these kinds of comments for years! "you're so skinny" (REALLY!? what an observation!) pfffffffftttttt
{{{Amanda}}} I'll be the one to say that you are beautiful, no matter what your hair is like, no matter what your body is like, no matter how primped or unprimped you are etc. etc! Just you!

[Stacey]

Honestly, I think people just say silly things sometimes :dunno: It probably meant they liked the way your hair looked yesterday. nt

[elizabeth]

I'm sure that they meant it kindly. People say things sometimes that come out oddly. I would say "thank you," assume the best and move on.

[riversprite]

I know that when I cut my hair shorter I was told that I looked younger, too. Apparently because my longer hair drew my face down more and the shorter cut made my face look rounder.
Fuller faces look younger, I guess. :dunno: (I think it was Sari who told me this. :-P)

[Storymama]

This is one of those things where I try to assume positive intent, and I'm sure it was meant kindly. I get what you mean about embracing our current age and not wishing to be younger than we are, but I think we can sometimes read too much into the agendas of people who give us simple compliments. I get a LOT of comments that I look younger than I am (to an obnoxious level) and I can really sympathize with the general problem you're perceiving here - ultimately, I want to be viewed with the competency and experience of my age and I want CREDIT for that, in other people's eyes. I really do not get a lot of ego stoking out of feeling like I constantly have to prove I *am* this competent and experienced, LOL! (In the sense that the person making the age comment to me probably thinks they are paying me an ego-stroking compliment.)

One possible POV for someone to make this comment, I think, might be that you didn't really used to wear your hair long - you wore it up. Traditionally, that is a hairstyle of an older person; to stop wearing that way by default makes you look younger than you did (if one is judging by hairstyle cues, and it sounds like your commenter is.)

Remember there is a difference between "you look younger than you did last time I saw you" (when your hair was different) - and "you look younger than I know you are" . . . I think the person commenting means the former, and I think you are taking umbrage to the latter. This is the problem when people leave out qualifying bits about what they really mean.

Without relating it to your age one way or another, I do prefer your hair in its current state . . . which is nice, since you said you like it this way too!

[bannanabette]

This is one of those things where I try to assume positive intent, and I'm sure it was meant kindly. I get what you mean about embracing our current age and not wishing to be younger than we are, but I think we can sometimes read too much into the agendas of people who give us simple compliments. I get a LOT of comments that I look younger than I am (to an obnoxious level) and I can really sympathize with the general problem you're perceiving here - ultimately, I want to be viewed with the competency and experience of my age and I want CREDIT for that, in other people's eyes. I really do not get a lot of ego stoking out of feeling like I constantly have to prove I *am* this competent and experienced, LOL! (In the sense that the person making the age comment to me probably thinks they are paying me an ego-stroking compliment.)

One possible POV for someone to make this comment, I think, might be that you didn't really used to wear your hair long - you wore it up. Traditionally, that is a hairstyle of an older person; to stop wearing that way by default makes you look younger than you did (if one is judging by hairstyle cues, and it sounds like your commenter is.)

Remember there is a difference between "you look younger than you did last time I saw you" (when your hair was different) - and "you look younger than I know you are" . . . I think the person commenting means the former, and I think you are taking umbrage to the latter. This is the problem when people leave out qualifying bits about what they really mean.

Without relating it to your age one way or another, I do prefer your hair in its current state . . . which is nice, since you said you like it this way too!

Yes, I agree with Mandi. And sometimes a new hairstyle, especially a short one, can have the effect of really lightening a face - it looks less heavy and it doesn't drag down the lines of of a face. That can make a person look more energetic, which a lot of people associate with "looking younger." I really would take this as a compliment - your new hair makes you look more vibrant (even if that's mistakenly expressed as "younger")

[Amanda]

Thank you for your responses. You all make good points, and I'm thinking about this a bit differently than I did. I think I was feeling sad and frustrated that I couldn't just be complimented on my haircut without it being tied to someone pointing out that I'm getting older and that I should be trying not to look it.

Maybe women have it easier than men in a way (or maybe not?). I'm beginning to realize that a number of men I know who I am sure are my age are seriously greying and balding (and some are developing beer bellies). They are way more obviously "aging" than I am. I guess it's a good reminder that there is a spectrum and it's not just me experiencing this.

OTOH, I know some women who are older than me who are so gorgeously youthful looking. I would love to be like that, but I'm not, I guess.

And also this is coming after years of people exclaiming at how young I am. Especially when I was in my 20s with multiple kids. I guess I feel kind of sad that the "youth magic" seems to have worn off.

The implication is just that youth is beautiful and aging is not. I hate that. I really wish it was different in our culture. I'm not old - at best statistical guess, I'm not even halfway through my life yet.