When do you let your child/ren stay at home alone?

[azul99]

The last few times we have gone out and left the boys with a babysitter, we have learned that other people at the same (very local) event (dinner party etc.), whose kids are the same ages as mine, left their kids at home without a babysitter.

There are times in the daytime when we leave P. home alone, or both boys at home together, for fairly brief periods of time (P. alone max a couple of hours or so; both boys maybe an hour max?). So far we are comfortable with this.

DH thinks we could leave the boys home alone in the evening if we are nearby (within one mile). I am very hesitant to do that because I think it is more intimidating/scary for children to be alone when it is dark outside.

P. is 11 (will be 12 in November) and W. is 8 (will be 9 in September).

I know that people's thinking on this varies according to the maturity, temperament etc. of the individual children in question, but in general, what is your approach to this?

[indigo]

The last few times we have gone out and left the boys with a babysitter, we have learned that other people at the same (very local) event (dinner party etc.), whose kids are the same ages as mine, left their kids at home without a babysitter.

There are times in the daytime when we leave P. home alone, or both boys at home together, for fairly brief periods of time (P. alone max a couple of hours or so; both boys maybe an hour max?). So far we are comfortable with this.

DH thinks we could leave the boys home alone in the evening if we are nearby (within one mile). I am very hesitant to do that because I think it is more intimidating/scary for children to be alone when it is dark outside.

P. is 11 (will be 12 in November) and W. is 8 (will be 9 in September).

I know that people's thinking on this varies according to the maturity, temperament etc. of the individual children in question, but in general, what is your approach to this?

K is 14 and C is 11. We'd obviously leave the two of them (or just K) home for pretty long stretches of time. With C, we're still teetering about this. There are definitely some situations I feel ok about it and some where I don't. There must be some complicated formulat that involves distance and time away, mostly. I don't doubt his responsibility as far as following rules. I am not quite there with my faith that he'd be ok in an emergency situation.

If I was under a mile away, I guess I'd be ok going out to dinner with just him home. But I'd probably call him!

[gfrach]

C is 12. He has stayed home alone for short periods since last October or so (11.5). He was uncomfortable with it before then. Just this summer I've begun leaving him at home alone sometimes in the evening for anhour or so, but it's still light so he's ok with that. I'm not sure if he (or I) would be ok with that if it were dark outside. (Funny how much difference the light makes.)

[mowse]

twelve is the age where I live where kids are allowed to babysit. We have left various combinations of the kids alone with Alex for short periods of time. Alex has had first aid and training, so we're comfortable with this.

When Leelee turns 11, we'll let her stay home for short periods of time.

we're seldom gone for long periods of time. Like an hour, two at the most.

[Bonny]

how do your boys feel about it? I think you could easily go out to dinner and be home before dark, if that's an issue. My kids have been comfortable being home alone by then, but I obviously wouldn't leave them if they weren't totally OK with it.

[candeo]

My turning-10-tomorrow son stays home for brief periods during the day by himself. I don't think it's been longer than an hour or so, or actually maybe not even more than half an hour. But I would leave him for longer - in the daytime, with pretty severe restrictions on what he can and can't do (don't answer the phone unless it's one of a tiny list of people, don't answer the door, don't go outside, if someone comes to the door, stay away from the windows so they can't see you avoiding them and thereby know that you're home alone...etc.)

I wouldn't leave him and the 5-year-old home alone together. They're both too young for that, because of who they are and what they're like together. Although it's tough for me to imagine doing that even with very mature children - I wouldn't hire a 10-year-old babysitter, so I wouldn't ask my own 10-year-old to be one.

Evening feels different to me, and I'm not completely sure why...I'm less comfortable with that idea and haven't done it yet.

[Storymama]

I think the girls were a bit older when we started leaving them in the evening - 14 and 16. I think they could have managed a year or two sooner, but we really hardly ever go out! We've been doing more of that, though. Really, it was later than when they were babysitting in the evening for other people, which is perhaps stretching the necessity of not leaving them home alone in the evening LOL!

We haven't done overnight alone yet, though. I think they are basically ready.

[KMP]

M is 11 and I still use a babysitter this summer while I'm at work (3 days a week for 4/5 hours). I do leave her alone if I have to run to the bank or the grocery store, but never at night.

[elizabeth]

I have some links on my laptop, I'll try to get them tomorrow for you, but I'm pretty sure the age is 12.

What do you know, I was wrong. It's 8, but that seems way to young to me, so I must have translated it to 12 in my brain, sorry. http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm


Q. What is the current State of Maryland law pertaining to unattended children ?
A. Maryland Family Law Art. 5-801 states:

"a) A person who is charged with the care of a child under the age of 8 years may not allow the child to be locked or confined in a dwelling, building, enclosure or motor vehicle while the person charged is absent and the dwelling, building, enclosure or motor vehicle is out of sight of the person charged unless the person charged provides at person at least 13 years old to remain with the child to protect the child.

b) A person who violates this section is guilty of a misdemeanor and on conviction is subject to a fine not exceeding $500 or imprisonment not exceeding 30 days or both."

[Meagan]

Our kids are almost the same age (Isaac's a year older but Jacob's the same age as your oldest) and I often leave them here together while I run an errand or go hang out at my sister-in-law's (where they usually get bored) but that's about 1/2 mile at most. I would personally be fine going less than a mile away in the evening, because I know my boys aren't afraid to be home alone at all, regardless of the time of day. There are also other adults we know within a block or two that they could call for help if for some reason they couldn't get hold of us...but I can't imagine that happening either.

It would also depend to me on the definition of a mile...a mile here takes about 3 minutes' travel time, but a mile in Chicago would have taken a lot longer to drive depending on the time of day. I gauge each situation individually.

[renee]

I have left J. for short periods of time (max an hour and a half but that was recently and I was in town at a friends house not more than a three minute drive away) since he was 10 but I'm seriously rethinking that right now. I trust him completely, but we've always instructed him NOT to answer the door to anyone and he listens (I tested it with my SIL).

Today an elderly neighbor was robbed (at 9:30 this morning with LOTS of people home on the block). The guy didn't see a car (it was in the garage) and rang the doorbell. Our neighbor was slow to answer the door, and the man kicked it in. He hit our neighbor and knocked him out. I saw them taking him away in an ambulance, but I had no idea what had happened. :(

I'm afraid now. I know the chances of that happening are small, but it DID happen. I've also experienced a man trying to break into our home when my mom and I were home one night so this probably doesn't help. I know it does happen, I've experienced it.

I don't know what to do now.

L. will be 9 in a few weeks and I've never left them together alone. I've never left her alone at all. She is very responsible but I don't exactly trust her to know the right thing to do. If I tell J. to do or not do something, he follows it to the letter. I can see L. being swayed and not being sure what to do in certain situations.


The last few times we have gone out and left the boys with a babysitter, we have learned that other people at the same (very local) event (dinner party etc.), whose kids are the same ages as mine, left their kids at home without a babysitter.

There are times in the daytime when we leave P. home alone, or both boys at home together, for fairly brief periods of time (P. alone max a couple of hours or so; both boys maybe an hour max?). So far we are comfortable with this.

DH thinks we could leave the boys home alone in the evening if we are nearby (within one mile). I am very hesitant to do that because I think it is more intimidating/scary for children to be alone when it is dark outside.

P. is 11 (will be 12 in November) and W. is 8 (will be 9 in September).

I know that people's thinking on this varies according to the maturity, temperament etc. of the individual children in question, but in general, what is your approach to this?

[libbylibbylibby]

I would not leave my two home alone at the same ages as your children (well, my H is 10 going on 11 at the end of the summer, and A is 8.5) because of the dynamic between them. H I would leave home alone while I ran an errand, but that is probably it.
There have been some rare times when their father has been at the doctor's and I have gotten home late from school, so they got off the bus and the house was empty for a half hour, but we try very very hard to avoid that.
For me it is not only maturity, but how they are with each other. Also, H has zero desire to babysit, so it is not much of a motivator there.

[indigo]

I think the girls were a bit older when we started leaving them in the evening - 14 and 16. I think they could have managed a year or two sooner, but we really hardly ever go out! We've been doing more of that, though. Really, it was later than when they were babysitting in the evening for other people, which is perhaps stretching the necessity of not leaving them home alone in the evening LOL!

We haven't done overnight alone yet, though. I think they are basically ready.

Wait, your oldest is in college away from home, right? I couldn't figure out if you were joking with the second paragraph or not. I'm slow that way sometimes.

[Stacey]

but I have left a not too sick dd home alone for the 20mins or so it takes me to get ds from school since she was 10. As long as she was comfortable with it, I was okay with it. I've also left her for an hour or so, when I had to get groceries.

Ds will not stay home by himself and that's fine with me. I think the last time I offered to let him stay with dd when I ran to the store he said no.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't leave the kids when I went out to dinner for quite some years yet. I'm not sure if ds will be okay with it when their ages are 14 and 10 or not.

[Artemis]

R is 9 and just recently there have been a handful of times when she stayed alone for under 15 minutes while I ran across the street to a neighbor's or to the bank ATM. (less than 1 block away).

Oh, and since we had the earthquake a couple months ago, neither she nor I really feel comfortable at all with her staying by herself for even a quick trip to the store. It just feels like these things are too random and I know that age 9 is not developmentally capable of handling emergencies well, even though she is quite a mature, responsible 9 year old.

[mirage1]

Without reading the rest, so far I'm with you in that Cassie (11 1/2) has been home alone for a few hours during the day (here and also at her dad's new home) but that I wouldn't leave her home alone in the evening yet.

I'm actually planning to take a course this fall and when I was thinking about the evening classes, it never even crossed my mind to leave her home alone for them, despite the fact that she's been home alone for 3 or 4 hours at a pop during the day!

Honestly, at this point I think I'd leave it up to her... if SHE said she felt comfortable, and I were within 15 minutes or so, I think I'd be okay with it. But the decision would be 100% hers.

So maybe just ask them?

[Storymama]

Wait, your oldest is in college away from home, right? I couldn't figure out if you were joking with the second paragraph or not. I'm slow that way sometimes.
Nooooo, I'm not joking. She does not feel quite ready to stay home alone, overnight. She feels sleeping in a dorm (which is more like a very large house than those huge concrete labyrinths like in some colleges - everyone knows everyone) is rather like sleeping with mom and dad in the house, not sleeping by herself.

Neither of my kids is exactly chomping at the bit to sever ties and stand alone, and it shows up in these little ways. I think it is a piece of what was behind how indifferent they have been about learning to drive, too. I say that, having been a kid who WAS anxious to get out on my own, and dreamed of all the great little details from about age 14, foreward - so it feels a little bit protracted to me that they are still like this. I mean, they are super competent and capable (moreso than most kids their ages, I'd say) - they cook, they do any house chore I ask, immediately - they research anything they need to know about, shop online (or in any store) for anything they need, they manage their money better than I did at 10 years older . . . they just don't really like to be away from us for long times . . . and if they are, then they want to be with other people who love them (family, good friends.) Amelia would really like it if, in 8 years or so when we settle into a Final Location, we could have property big enough that she can also build a house close by for her family. Tori says she'll do the same if there is room for her horses, LOL!

[Sarah]

Nooooo, I'm not joking. She does not feel quite ready to stay home alone, overnight. She feels sleeping in a dorm (which is more like a very large house than those huge concrete labyrinths like in some colleges - everyone knows everyone) is rather like sleeping with mom and dad in the house, not sleeping by herself.

Neither of my kids is exactly chomping at the bit to sever ties and stand alone, and it shows up in these little ways. I think it is a piece of what was behind how indifferent they have been about learning to drive, too. I say that, having been a kid who WAS anxious to get out on my own, and dreamed of all the great little details from about age 14, foreward - so it feels a little bit protracted to me that they are still like this. I mean, they are super competent and capable (moreso than most kids their ages, I'd say) - they cook, they do any house chore I ask, immediately - they research anything they need to know about, shop online (or in any store) for anything they need, they manage their money better than I did at 10 years older . . . they just don't really like to be away from us for long times . . . and if they are, then they want to be with other people who love them (family, good friends.) Amelia would really like it if, in 8 years or so when we settle into a Final Location, we could have property big enough that she can also build a house close by for her family. Tori says she'll do the same if there is room for her horses, LOL!


I can see Angus headed this way and I'm already puzzling ways to encourage him to live independently. :bag: I don't WANT him living with me or even on my doorstep when he's grown, but at 11.5 he's insisting that he's going to go to whatever art school is closest to where we'll be living and he won't move out until he's 30. :rolleyes:

Claire, on the other hand, has a bag packed.

[Ali]

Dalton has been staying home for a while by herself. We let Q stay with her starting about when she was 11 while dh and I had our date night :smile: Probably though, she was much younger, she stayed home while I made a quick run for bread or milk. I don't remember exactly.

Dinner was made for them, TV was on. Nothing exciting happened. LOL

Dalton took babysitter classes that included first aid and CPR training (something Jordan, who is on the VFD does not even have ?? )

Now that I work Dalton is 13 and responsible for Q during the day. She gets paid.

Quinten has never stayed home alone. Pretty much because someone else is always around. Dalton did go pick berries in the woods earlier this week, and he didn't want to go. So he called me, lol.

I don't know what Jordan's mom did with him. But not until he was in high school did he express an interest in staying home alone.

[BlueMama]

I wouldn't do it over night yet (my kids are 10 & 7). I've left my oldest at home for a few years now (not for long and yes he was very young, but I know my kid), but I still get nervous about it sometimes. I hadn't thought to leave him alone in the evening and I don't feel like I can leave them both alone together at all because I'm afraid they'd kill each other. Or my youngest would burn the house down. My youngest thinks he rules the roost and likes to try to boss his brother around and that pushes the oldest's buttons (we're working on Ignore) and... ugh. With just my oldest here, I worry about somebody breaking in. With the two of them, I'd worry about them fighting. That's just the daytime - I can't deal with evenings yet lol. We're lucky to have family close enough that can watch them.

[Vicky]

I understand because George is the same way. Alex is very adventurous and independant, but we joke that George will never want to live farther away than the next street over.

[Storymama]

I can see Angus headed this way and I'm already puzzling ways to encourage him to live independently. :bag: I don't WANT him living with me or even on my doorstep when he's grown, but at 11.5 he's insisting that he's going to go to whatever art school is closest to where we'll be living and he won't move out until he's 30. :rolleyes:

Claire, on the other hand, has a bag packed.
It's progressed to being willing to live in their own houses, at least.

When they were little girls, they were going to live together always, adopt six children, and have lots and lots of parrots. Tori would be a vet, and Amelia would paint pictures of people's pets for them in the waiting room. And they would allllllll live at I-ma's house: T and A, children, parrots, and vet practice. Together. In my house. With the birds :gross:.

[azul99]

Good food for thought here.

I'll ask them what they think of it, but assuming they would be comfortable with the idea, I'm inclined to do a test run the next time we are out and very close by (within a mile or two). (Otherwise - i.e. if they are not comfortable with it, or if we are farther away than that, I wouldn't do it.)

I appreciate your input!

[Sue]

I have left J. for short periods of time (max an hour and a half but that was recently and I was in town at a friends house not more than a three minute drive away) since he was 10 but I'm seriously rethinking that right now. I trust him completely, but we've always instructed him NOT to answer the door to anyone and he listens (I tested it with my SIL).

Today an elderly neighbor was robbed (at 9:30 this morning with LOTS of people home on the block). The guy didn't see a car (it was in the garage) and rang the doorbell. Our neighbor was slow to answer the door, and the man kicked it in. He hit our neighbor and knocked him out. I saw them taking him away in an ambulance, but I had no idea what had happened. :(

I'm afraid now. I know the chances of that happening are small, but it DID happen. I've also experienced a man trying to break into our home when my mom and I were home one night so this probably doesn't help. I know it does happen, I've experienced it.

I don't know what to do now.

L. will be 9 in a few weeks and I've never left them together alone. I've never left her alone at all. She is very responsible but I don't exactly trust her to know the right thing to do. If I tell J. to do or not do something, he follows it to the letter. I can see L. being swayed and not being sure what to do in certain situations.

We had an attmepted robbery and an actual robbery in the nieghborhood this past winter in the early evening. I assume they knocked to make sure no one was home. My girls don't stay home alone (L wouldn't be comfortable and G is too young) BUT I have the dog, so I would feel better about leaving them. The dog answers every knock at the door or ringing of the bell witt an extremely ferocious bark, and he is protective of the girls. Without him, I am not sure I would be OK leaving them until they are old enough where they don't have to pretend not to be home. I have a feeling it will be a few more years, leaving them is even considered an option because L hates to be alone.

[Sarah]

We had an attmepted robbery and an actual robbery in the nieghborhood this past winter in the early evening. I assume they knocked to make sure no one was home.


They didn't in my house. :-( Just walked in, 8:30 at night, when Claire and I were home. My kids, naturally enough, don't want to be alone in the house after dark now, and we lock all the doors all the time, even if we're in the house.

I hate it. :sosorry:

[gfrach]

They didn't in my house. :-( Just walked in, 8:30 at night, when Claire and I were home. My kids, naturally enough, don't want to be alone in the house after dark now, and we lock all the doors all the time, even if we're in the house.

I hate it. :sosorry:
Oh, no! Huge hugs to you all!!

[Sue]

They didn't in my house. :-( Just walked in, 8:30 at night, when Claire and I were home. My kids, naturally enough, don't want to be alone in the house after dark now, and we lock all the doors all the time, even if we're in the house.

I hate it. :sosorry:

How horrible!

[Sarah]

Oh, no! Huge hugs to you all!!

It was pretty awful. Angus scared him off, the police were here for hours, CSI in my backyard. :shocked:

[~PQ]

Baylee and Anabel (11 and 8) just started staying alone this yr. In another place I probably wouldn't have felt so comfortable with this but do to logistics here (no matter where we go, we're never more than 2 miles away) and the tiny size of town, etc. I'm comfy with this here. Normally DS (16) is also home wit them, but now that he works part time they do spend time alone.