Opinions on cell phones, texting, etc...

[threecubs]

I'm watching CNN this morning, and lately in the news they've been talking about texting. Today's story was on texting and communication skills.

We went from a family with one cell phone to share, to three cell phones within a year (well, Kaleb had a cell phone but didn't use it until last year). Kaleb has a very, very basic pay-as-you go phone and we started paying $20 a month for him to have unlimited texting because we found out very quickly that that is how kids seem to communicate these days (He went through a $20 top-up in one week, so we figured $20 a month was more economical!). I did think at first that he should just learn to live with the limit, but DH was feeling that socially it was important for him to be able to keep up....soooo. We got Bethany a cell phone as well, and only pay about $20 every 3 months or so, just to keep the service up. She uses it a little bit, mostly for emergencies or for when she goes to a friend's house, etc. Many of her friends are attached to theirs. She gets a lot of text forwards, but thankfully she can see that it's a forward before she accepts it and deletes them without using her minutes.

Anyway.....DH and I were thinking of getting a contract through Verizon (who our current phone is through, although we are on my IL's plan, and we just pay them every month. So, we are out very little money). This would be a huge jump in our monthly finances, but have already made some cuts to account for it (also considering the $20 a month we spend on K's phone). Kaleb requested a new phone for Christmas, more compatible for texting (and we thought a perfect opportunity for getting him a new MP3 player, since the phone we are considering has v-cast and we have a Rhapsody account). Bethany has been asking as well...and I thought it would be nice to get a nicer phone for me.


All that babbling to say....now I am having second thoughts. I am not sure how healthy this texting thing has become. Not only that, the potential for something to get recorded or filmed or photographed and spread around. It's all so scary to me (well...that worries me anyway, on other kids' phones).

What are your family views on cell phones for older kids, texting, etc. If your older kids have phones, what are your rules about their use? I already know DH and I need to sit down with Kaleb and make some rules. So far we haven't, and I can see how it makes his homework drag out longer.

I can just imagine what excitement there would be on Christmas morning...but I am not sure it is worth it. What to do, what to do...

[keight]

All this with a grain of salt, because my kid's only 10 months old:

Texting doesn't cause kids to do stupid things, it just enables stupid things to get publicized more. If your kids have good sense, texting doesn't make them any more vulnerable to anything. If they're not the type to take embarrassing pictures and pass them around, they're not going to start doing it just because their phone makes it easier. If they ARE the type to do that, they'll manage no matter what low-end phone you give them.

And your DH is right about texting seeming to be a primary form of communication for kids these days. If all of their friends can and they can't, it could be awkward.

[elizabeth]

She does communicate with her friends by texting, and she has a limited plan that is $5/month and she is fairly good about sticking within those limits. She doesn't let texting get in the way of homework (dragging homework out), she likes to get her work done. She doesn't text during inappropriate times (dinner, family time, when she is out and about with us).

Themi just got a prepaid phone for emergencies, and texting isn't an issue with him -- yet, but several of his friends are getting to be pains ... they call his phone during dinner and when he doesn't answer (because it's off) they call the house phone, and keep calling. They think we are funny and "old fashioned" because we have a dinner hour and because we don't have caller id.

I do see where phones are necessary, neither of the schools will allow the kids to use the school phones, and both get messages regarding sports over their phones (esp for Sophia, changes in practice times, locations, team meetings, etc).

Oh, yeah, the whole picture posting/bad choices thing ... we talk about this a lot, a lot!

Yeah, it might happen, and it spreads faster and wider, but I remember slam books (think Mean Girls) and all of that, so it will happen no matter the technology.

[Kerry]

My opinion:

I hate cellphones. I always said that I wouldn't buy my kid a cellphone. Well, I didn't - he saved up the money and bought himself one. And he pays for service through extra chores around the house. We got him the unlimited texting package, because like you said, that's how the kids mainly communicate with each other. Our rule is - no cellphones at the dinner table, no cellphones when we're out as a family to dinner, cellphone off during school hours (and I do periodically check to make sure he follows that rule).

That said, as much as I dislike cellphones, I hate texting ten times more. There are several nurses at my work who text all day long and it bugs the everloving piss out of me.

[Debra]

You might want to just look into AT&T. My cellphone runs $30 a month and it only costs us $10 a month for each additional phone. We do pay $5 a month for Alex for texting and $5 a month for insurance on his phone, so for 4 cellphones (me, DH, Alex, and a home cellphone in lieu of a land line) w/his insurance and texting it only runs us around $70 a month. We do not do internet on our phones though, that's how we keep the costs low (and we have so many rollover minutes we'll never ever go over).

Back to your question - obviously we do pay for texting for Alex but he doesn't use it much. He and his friends usually talk for free on their Xboxes, and texting usually consists of "want to play Halo" or "what was ______ homework" or something, they just don't text or talk a lot on the phone. We haven't had to put limits because he seems to do that pretty well on his own. He never answers it during dinner, in fact he usually turns it off for the evening by then. And he keeps it off during school. And I don't think anyone has ever sent him a picture on his phone so I'm not worried about that stuff (yet - I realize things change as kids get older).

None of us are big texters - DH doesn't really know how, LOL, and I usually use it to give one line of info (like to Alex - "on my way now" or "stuck in traffic, be there soon", or to DH - "UPS delivered the box now", etc.).

If Alex gets to the point that I feel he needs limits with his phone/texting then DH and I will discuss it with him and come up with something reasonable but so far it hasn't been an issue. Yet. :loveit:

[Cindy]

There are several nurses at my work who text all day long and it bugs the everloving piss out of me.

OMG this is a huge pet peeve of mine. There's one nurse in partiucular who sits there and texts through report...I feel like I might as well be talking to a wall.

[Jill]

aside from the obvious fact that she doesn't NEED ONE!!!!! OMG other than the gym or a playdate that I drive her to and from where is she? We live rurally and she isn't just out there walking place to place, she's outside at the creek, across the street playing with the neighbors, that's about it. Soo...on top of that I just can't stand the TEXTING stuff. It's rude, and it makes me crazy.

Well, she got her phone over the summer. I can't remember the last time I have seen her use it. She doesn't take it anywhere with her (like I said she doesn't go anywhere where she might need it or where she can safely keep it) and her friends seem to just text her stuff sporadically.
I have to say i am very glad.



All this with a grain of salt, because my kid's only 10 months old:

Texting doesn't cause kids to do stupid things, it just enables stupid things to get publicized more. If your kids have good sense, texting doesn't make them any more vulnerable to anything. If they're not the type to take embarrassing pictures and pass them around, they're not going to start doing it just because their phone makes it easier. If they ARE the type to do that, they'll manage no matter what low-end phone you give them.

And your DH is right about texting seeming to be a primary form of communication for kids these days. If all of their friends can and they can't, it could be awkward.

[threecubs]

All this with a grain of salt, because my kid's only 10 months old:

Texting doesn't cause kids to do stupid things, it just enables stupid things to get publicized more. If your kids have good sense, texting doesn't make them any more vulnerable to anything. If they're not the type to take embarrassing pictures and pass them around, they're not going to start doing it just because their phone makes it easier. If they ARE the type to do that, they'll manage no matter what low-end phone you give them.

And your DH is right about texting seeming to be a primary form of communication for kids these days. If all of their friends can and they can't, it could be awkward.

You're right, of course. I'm paranoid! :-) I think of my kids being pretty sensible, but sometimes I think they just don't think! Especially Bethany...she is so naive about this stuff. I've had to tell her to stop letting her friend record her, she records everything and she is just being cute, but her friend is a bit more street-wise and I've had some issues already.

[Nancy]

For me this is one of those character decisions...and those are sometimes the hardest though also the most clear decisions to make. I personally abhor texting and what it promotes in kids, the ignoring the person sitting near you to talk to one on the other side of town, the bastardization of the English language (really, talk to some English professors, they are seeing text-speak in college papers!), and the general lack of REAL communication between teens (how important is it to say the inane things they text anyway??). I just see nothing good in texting, outside of the very real TOOL it is. I can see that it is a great way to communicate at times, but teens take it to a level I do not feel good about. 8000 texts a month, even 2000, do the math, it's unhealthy! These are simply my OPINIONS folks, and I know I will offend some of you with supertexting teens, but I see nothing of value in texting at that level.

We are a no texting family, other than occasional necessary texts. My kids (15 and 11) so far are fine with it. To allow it would be to bow to social pressures, and that I am not yet ready to do. My daughter, however, will probably make me eat my words one day.:spinning:

[threecubs]

She does communicate with her friends by texting, and she has a limited plan that is $5/month and she is fairly good about sticking within those limits. She doesn't let texting get in the way of homework (dragging homework out), she likes to get her work done. She doesn't text during inappropriate times (dinner, family time, when she is out and about with us).

Themi just got a prepaid phone for emergencies, and texting isn't an issue with him -- yet, but several of his friends are getting to be pains ... they call his phone during dinner and when he doesn't answer (because it's off) they call the house phone, and keep calling. They think we are funny and "old fashioned" because we have a dinner hour and because we don't have caller id.

I do see where phones are necessary, neither of the schools will allow the kids to use the school phones, and both get messages regarding sports over their phones (esp for Sophia, changes in practice times, locations, team meetings, etc).

Oh, yeah, the whole picture posting/bad choices thing ... we talk about this a lot, a lot!

Yeah, it might happen, and it spreads faster and wider, but I remember slam books (think Mean Girls) and all of that, so it will happen no matter the technology.

So far, my kids seems to be pretty good about not having the phone out during family times, etc. K does have it in his pocket constantly, and you can hear it vibrate all the time! I've gotten used to it now, but there were times where I thought, "What IS that noise?" LOL

[Rosemary]

I'm watching CNN this morning, and lately in the news they've been talking about texting. Today's story was on texting and communication skills.

We went from a family with one cell phone to share, to three cell phones within a year (well, Kaleb had a cell phone but didn't use it until last year). Kaleb has a very, very basic pay-as-you go phone and we started paying $20 a month for him to have unlimited texting because we found out very quickly that that is how kids seem to communicate these days (He went through a $20 top-up in one week, so we figured $20 a month was more economical!). I did think at first that he should just learn to live with the limit, but DH was feeling that socially it was important for him to be able to keep up....soooo. We got Bethany a cell phone as well, and only pay about $20 every 3 months or so, just to keep the service up. She uses it a little bit, mostly for emergencies or for when she goes to a friend's house, etc. Many of her friends are attached to theirs. She gets a lot of text forwards, but thankfully she can see that it's a forward before she accepts it and deletes them without using her minutes.

Anyway.....DH and I were thinking of getting a contract through Verizon (who our current phone is through, although we are on my IL's plan, and we just pay them every month. So, we are out very little money). This would be a huge jump in our monthly finances, but have already made some cuts to account for it (also considering the $20 a month we spend on K's phone). Kaleb requested a new phone for Christmas, more compatible for texting (and we thought a perfect opportunity for getting him a new MP3 player, since the phone we are considering has v-cast and we have a Rhapsody account). Bethany has been asking as well...and I thought it would be nice to get a nicer phone for me.


All that babbling to say....now I am having second thoughts. I am not sure how healthy this texting thing has become. Not only that, the potential for something to get recorded or filmed or photographed and spread around. It's all so scary to me (well...that worries me anyway, on other kids' phones).

What are your family views on cell phones for older kids, texting, etc. If your older kids have phones, what are your rules about their use? I already know DH and I need to sit down with Kaleb and make some rules. So far we haven't, and I can see how it makes his homework drag out longer.

I can just imagine what excitement there would be on Christmas morning...but I am not sure it is worth it. What to do, what to do...
I dislike cell phones and texting for kids/teens. TBT, M has one with unlimited messaging. F is getting one for Christmas and will have unlimited messaging. A does not have one but wants one reallly reallly really really bad LOL.

With the boys I can't say that I've seen texts messages that would get them in trouble - though I could see that with A if she were to have one...she is going to need lots of follow up. Just don't let them tell you that everyone has unlimited. It seems that every girlfriend my son finds, only has a minimal plan that she runs out of early in the month...or at least that is what tells him....

[threecubs]

My opinion:



That said, as much as I dislike cellphones, I hate texting ten times more. There are several nurses at my work who text all day long and it bugs the everloving piss out of me.

Oh, me too. The kids who are in my band (a community band run through a community college, a mix of mostly adults, several students, and now a few high school students) text DURING rehearsal, even in-between rests! It is so very, very annoying.

[Nancy]

I have a bit of experience with 2 GREAT kids who, combined, made some very poor decisions wrt texting. Very very poor decisions. Even the good kids who know better, and who (alone) would never choose a certain path....do. I don't want to elaborate as it isn't just about my kid, but it was pretty bad. And these are good kids. Our rule is don't type anything (text/email/IM, whatever) that you wouldn't want your granny to read! Unfortunately that rule came about due to the already mentioned poor decisions.

[threecubs]

With the boys I can't say that I've seen texts messages that would get them in trouble

Can I ask if you look at their texts?

This has been a question I've had for other parents. A few months ago, DH happened to see K's phone as a message came in, while it was sitting on the computer desk and K was off somewhere else in the house. DH decided to take a peek, and shared with me, and how glad he was that the texts were very harmless. I was unsure how I felt about it, and he hasn't looked since.

Kaleb occasionally texts his guy friends, but it seems he mostly texts with girls. They text him A LOT.

[threecubs]

For me this is one of those character decisions...and those are sometimes the hardest though also the most clear decisions to make. I personally abhor texting and what it promotes in kids, the ignoring the person sitting near you to talk to one on the other side of town, the bastardization of the English language (really, talk to some English professors, they are seeing text-speak in college papers!), and the general lack of REAL communication between teens (how important is it to say the inane things they text anyway??). I just see nothing good in texting, outside of the very real TOOL it is. I can see that it is a great way to communicate at times, but teens take it to a level I do not feel good about. 8000 texts a month, even 2000, do the math, it's unhealthy! These are simply my OPINIONS folks, and I know I will offend some of you with supertexting teens, but I see nothing of value in texting at that level.

We are a no texting family, other than occasional necessary texts. My kids (16 and 11) so far are fine with it. To allow it would be to bow to social pressures, and that I am not yet ready to do. My daughter, however, will probably make me eat my words one day.:spinning:

I understand. I am really struggling with this, I just am not sure how I feel about it (other than I don't like what I am seeing, but I'm not able to articulate it fully).

To be honest, after researching plans today, the money, etc...I am leaning on just keeping what we already have. I need to discuss this with DH...I know he worries a lot about money and this would certainly tighten things.

[Rosemary]

I'm watching CNN this morning, and lately in the news they've been talking about texting. Today's story was on texting and communication skills.

We went from a family with one cell phone to share, to three cell phones within a year (well, Kaleb had a cell phone but didn't use it until last year). Kaleb has a very, very basic pay-as-you go phone and we started paying $20 a month for him to have unlimited texting because we found out very quickly that that is how kids seem to communicate these days (He went through a $20 top-up in one week, so we figured $20 a month was more economical!). I did think at first that he should just learn to live with the limit, but DH was feeling that socially it was important for him to be able to keep up....soooo. We got Bethany a cell phone as well, and only pay about $20 every 3 months or so, just to keep the service up. She uses it a little bit, mostly for emergencies or for when she goes to a friend's house, etc. Many of her friends are attached to theirs. She gets a lot of text forwards, but thankfully she can see that it's a forward before she accepts it and deletes them without using her minutes.

Anyway.....DH and I were thinking of getting a contract through Verizon (who our current phone is through, although we are on my IL's plan, and we just pay them every month. So, we are out very little money). This would be a huge jump in our monthly finances, but have already made some cuts to account for it (also considering the $20 a month we spend on K's phone). Kaleb requested a new phone for Christmas, more compatible for texting (and we thought a perfect opportunity for getting him a new MP3 player, since the phone we are considering has v-cast and we have a Rhapsody account). Bethany has been asking as well...and I thought it would be nice to get a nicer phone for me.


All that babbling to say....now I am having second thoughts. I am not sure how healthy this texting thing has become. Not only that, the potential for something to get recorded or filmed or photographed and spread around. It's all so scary to me (well...that worries me anyway, on other kids' phones).

What are your family views on cell phones for older kids, texting, etc. If your older kids have phones, what are your rules about their use? I already know DH and I need to sit down with Kaleb and make some rules. So far we haven't, and I can see how it makes his homework drag out longer.

I can just imagine what excitement there would be on Christmas morning...but I am not sure it is worth it. What to do, what to do...
I dislike cell phones and texting for kids/teens. TBT, M has one with unlimited messaging. F is getting one for Christmas and will have unlimited messaging. A does not have one but wants one reallly reallly really really bad LOL.

With the boys I can't say that I've seen texts messages that would get them in trouble - though I could see that with A if she were to have one...she is going to need lots of follow up. Just don't let them tell you that everyone has unlimited. It seems that every girlfriend my son finds, only has a minimal plan that she runs out of early in the month...or at least that is what tells him....

[Rosemary]

Can I ask if you look at their texts?

This has been a question I've had for other parents. A few months ago, DH happened to see K's phone as a message came in, while it was sitting on the computer desk and K was off somewhere else in the house. DH decided to take a peek, and shared with me, and how glad he was that the texts were very harmless. I was unsure how I felt about it, and he hasn't looked since.

Kaleb occasionally texts his guy friends, but it seems he mostly texts with girls. They text him A LOT.
I have. I don't make a policy of it but I have. I have checked M's messages at times where I thought I had a reason to do so, and in some cases my intuition was right. What I've told him, and will tell F when he gets a phone, is that the phone is a priviledge and while I don't plan on reading every text message, we can, and to please always keep that in mind when he is texting. Now, if I read something I didn't like, and follwed up and every time I read something I didn't like, the phone would go - I would not continue to just snoop to keep him honest, if you know what I mean.

[Nancy]

Not sure if this was a directed to person question or general, but I'll answer anyway! As the parent I reserve the right to look at any email, IM, text, etc. that comes in through the computers WE OWN in the home WE OWN, etc, etc. If a child is not willing to share a password then they are not allowed the privilege of owning that electronic thing. This is not negotiable. They also know not to clear history/empty deleted messages, etc. To clear history is to raise suspicion, so just don't go there!

Now, do I actually read everything? Nope, but I reserve the right to and I definitely do spot check things every here and there. Texts are not private (and I do check those, simply because they are so few and because I need to know how many are coming/going since we do not have a texting plan), neither are emails and I think it is VERY important for a kid to know and realize that sending private info via technology is a very bad idea. Nothing is private online or via phone! If what you have to say is private, say it to their face. If what you have to say is potentially hurtful, say it to their face. I'm old fashioned that way, and am teaching my kids similarly.

My motto is trust but verify. I trust my kids, quite a bit, but I do verify that the trust is deserved.

[threecubs]

You might want to just look into AT&T. My cellphone runs $30 a month and it only costs us $10 a month for each additional phone. We do pay $5 a month for Alex for texting and $5 a month for insurance on his phone, so for 4 cellphones (me, DH, Alex, and a home cellphone in lieu of a land line) w/his insurance and texting it only runs us around $70 a month. We do not do internet on our phones though, that's how we keep the costs low (and we have so many rollover minutes we'll never ever go over).



Embarrassingly, I spent most of the afternoon on the internet comparing companies and costs. They are all jumbled in my head now, but I don't think I found anything as cheap as what you have, Debra! The Verizon plan I looked at would be about $110 a month with no internet and unlimited messaging (and they would be compatible with our Rhapsody account).

I looked into at&t, and for three phones with unlimited messaging (family), it looks like it comes to about $99.

Right now we are paying about $30 a month for cell phone stuff.

Eep..I'm just not sure I want to take the plunge!

[mirage1]

Can I ask if you look at their texts?

This has been a question I've had for other parents. A few months ago, DH happened to see K's phone as a message came in, while it was sitting on the computer desk and K was off somewhere else in the house. DH decided to take a peek, and shared with me, and how glad he was that the texts were very harmless. I was unsure how I felt about it, and he hasn't looked since.

Kaleb occasionally texts his guy friends, but it seems he mostly texts with girls. They text him A LOT.I look. Not often, but occasionally, and she knows I do. If I'm paying for her to have something I think it's reasonable for me to make sure it's being used appropriately.

[Storymama]

I understand all the negative usage seen, and abhor it myself. However, a tool is just a tool - the expression is all in the user. Cel phones (verbal and texting) are an invaluable tool for my family, including my kids. They've each had one since about age 14. At that age, they were barely used - just safety connection back to parents when they were on homeschool outings, etc.

Since then, we've made two big moves and they use them to stay in touch with friends left behind - and they are scrupulous about only using "free" minutes for those long chats. Our lifestyle is not the norm in that sense, the leaving close friends behind. I really want to encourage them to have close friends and feel connected, so this seems a good tool to help that, when we can't help the fact that we must rip them away from those friends periodically.

Upon moving here, Amelia started at the community college and I also went back full time, leaving Tori on her own for hours sometimes. (Although her dad works right here on the base, just moments away - and she was 15, hardly a little kid.) We elected not to get a house line, and that has worked out fine for us. It means that we do have to communicate via cel, though. Texting has been very valuable for our family, because while I was in school, the kids couldn't really call me if they had a problem. However, a discreet, silent text that only needs a short "yes" or "no" or "3:15" or whatever type response can be accomplished, to the benefit of those involved . . . and they definitely restricted themselves to that level of messaging. Having a phone on each kid was also valuable for rounding up the troops from a large campus, when it was time to go. We three were involved in so many different activities, it was hard to keep track of who would be where on any given day . . . so much better just to say, "My lab is done - meet me at the car in five minutes."

The kids (and me too) prefer to text Jon during the day, as he is in and out of exam rooms with patients all day and a text doesn't interrupt that - he can respond to it upon returning to his office. They continue to text me from college just because it's become a habit. They phone if they have something longer to share, knowing they aren't likely interrupting me now.

I was anxious about the text-speak thing, and sort of tried to lead by example there. I send texts with real English, proper grammar and punctuation, etc. I'm sure they do the more hip language with their friends, but I've seen their college papers; it's not spilling over. I had the opportunity to observe/help them closely in their initial college year/years though, and so could be influential there. It's definitely a place to step in, if you can - but the reasons for making sure older kids have tight writing skills is hardly limited to ensuring the text-speak is nowhere to be seen.

And finally, they are definitely required to observe etiquette surrounding the phone - dinnertime, etc. We already have to be flexible on the point of phone calls during meals because Jon is *always* on call for the CG, even when he's not expressly the duty doc. (Heh, we call it being the Dry Doc, since he can't drink anything in case there's a case . . . like dry dock (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drydock), 'cause it's the CG. We are nerds :-P.) But they have no problem differentiating between his medical calls, and social calls that need to be deferred. If they had objected, I would have countered that a child who cannot tell the difference, is not a child ready for a cel phone - and I would have had my hand held out for the phone. When it's just Jon and me, we do respond to texts from the girls during meals, but it's not like they weren't already the subject of conversation. The only rule we ever put on them besides Please Don't Lose It (lol!) was to save chatty calls for free hours. We have unlimited texting so we didn't make any rules about that, but it is largely because Jon and I text so much, not because the girls were running up the bill - that's never been the case. Jon and I text back and forth a LOT, but it's also a case of Jon getting a lot of texts from his active duty patients, who tend to be young adults (and busy in the field!) If I thought it was affecting homework, I would talk to the kid about that. They might not MIND that it takes longer with interruptions for texts, but I would not be happy if, say, it ate into family chore time (or togetherness time) and also if it was apparent that the studying was ineffectual (ie, poor exam scores after studying while texting.) My kids were unschoolers when we started with the phones, and then into college coursework - and it just wasn't an issue. I expected them to manage their own study hours without much input from me, or else they weren't ready for college yet. So I didn't feel a need to put homework limits on cel usage.

So, we've fit them into our family culture smoothly, I think. We have actively tried to set an example of usage, and I think if you are not a cel phone user yourself, that's a tougher spot to be in. I can't exactly say, "Well, up your usage!" if it's just not a tool you utilize in the first place - I think it will just take more conversation and being explicit upfront (and reinforced frequently) regarding expectations you have of the kids and their manners, mindfulness of limits on the accounts (including instructions on how to check that for themselves) etc. I think it may be wise to put a plan into place ahead of time, regarding how overlimits will be handled. It's not really something you want to have to cook up in the heat of the moment, when faced with a large bill and a defensive kid.

Good luck with your decision! I think it's a matter of whether or not you think you can set into place expectations so that your family culture isn't negatively affected by the tool . . . I know you can cook up a good set of expectations, but it's a matter of whether that's something you want to put in place or not. Sometimes, something would take so much structure and input from me, I would not find it worth it. (I can think of a few examples of popular items/activities we've declined for exactly this reason.) It's different for every family, and different for every kid's ability to be mature with usage.

[elizabeth]

Not sure if this was a directed to person question or general, but I'll answer anyway! As the parent I reserve the right to look at any email, IM, text, etc. that comes in through the computers WE OWN in the home WE OWN, etc, etc. If a child is not willing to share a password then they are not allowed the privilege of owning that electronic thing. This is not negotiable. They also know not to clear history/empty deleted messages, etc. To clear history is to raise suspicion, so just don't go there!

Now, do I actually read everything? Nope, but I reserve the right to and I definitely do spot check things every here and there. Texts are not private (and I do check those, simply because they are so few and because I need to know how many are coming/going since we do not have a texting plan), neither are emails and I think it is VERY important for a kid to know and realize that sending private info via technology is a very bad idea. Nothing is private online or via phone! If what you have to say is private, say it to their face. If what you have to say is potentially hurtful, say it to their face. I'm old fashioned that way, and am teaching my kids similarly.

My motto is trust but verify. I trust my kids, quite a bit, but I do verify that the trust is deserved.

xxxxxx

[elizabeth]

I understand all the negative usage seen, and abhor it myself. However, a tool is just a tool - the expression is all in the user. Cel phones (verbal and texting) are an invaluable tool for my family, including my kids. They've each had one since about age 14. At that age, they were barely used - just safety connection back to parents when they were on homeschool outings, etc.

Since then, we've made two big moves and they use them to stay in touch with friends left behind - and they are scrupulous about only using "free" minutes for those long chats. Our lifestyle is not the norm in that sense, the leaving close friends behind. I really want to encourage them to have close friends and feel connected, so this seems a good tool to help that, when we can't help the fact that we must rip them away from those friends periodically.

Upon moving here, Amelia started at the community college and I also went back full time, leaving Tori on her own for hours sometimes. (Although her dad works right here on the base, just moments away - and she was 15, hardly a little kid.) We elected not to get a house line, and that has worked out fine for us. It means that we do have to communicate via cel, though. Texting has been very valuable for our family, because while I was in school, the kids couldn't really call me if they had a problem. However, a discreet, silent text that only needs a short "yes" or "no" or "3:15" or whatever type response can be accomplished, to the benefit of those involved . . . and they definitely restricted themselves to that level of messaging. Having a phone on each kid was also valuable for rounding up the troops from a large campus, when it was time to go. We three were involved in so many different activities, it was hard to keep track of who would be where on any given day . . . so much better just to say, "My lab is done - meet me at the car in five minutes."

The kids (and me too) prefer to text Jon during the day, as he is in and out of exam rooms with patients all day and a text doesn't interrupt that - he can respond to it upon returning to his office. They continue to text me from college just because it's become a habit. They phone if they have something longer to share, knowing they aren't likely interrupting me now.

I was anxious about the text-speak thing, and sort of tried to lead by example there. I send texts with real English, proper grammar and punctuation, etc. I'm sure they do the more hip language with their friends, but I've seen their college papers; it's not spilling over. I had the opportunity to observe/help them closely in their initial college year/years though, and so could be influential there. It's definitely a place to step in, if you can - but the reasons for making sure older kids have tight writing skills is hardly limited to ensuring the text-speak is nowhere to be seen.

And finally, they are definitely required to observe etiquette surrounding the phone - dinnertime, etc. We already have to be flexible on the point of phone calls during meals because Jon is *always* on call for the CG, even when he's not expressly the duty doc. (Heh, we call it being the Dry Doc, since he can't drink anything in case there's a case . . . like dry dock (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drydock), 'cause it's the CG. We are nerds :-P.) But they have no problem differentiating between his medical calls, and social calls that need to be deferred. If they had objected, I would have countered that a child who cannot tell the difference, is not a child ready for a cel phone - and I would have had my hand held out for the phone. When it's just Jon and me, we do respond to texts from the girls during meals, but it's not like they weren't already the subject of conversation. The only rule we ever put on them besides Please Don't Lose It (lol!) was to save chatty calls for free hours. We have unlimited texting so we didn't make any rules about that, but it is largely because Jon and I text so much, not because the girls were running up the bill - that's never been the case. Jon and I text back and forth a LOT, but it's also a case of Jon getting a lot of texts from his active duty patients, who tend to be young adults (and busy in the field!) If I thought it was affecting homework, I would talk to the kid about that. They might not MIND that it takes longer with interruptions for texts, but I would not be happy if, say, it ate into family chore time (or togetherness time) and also if it was apparent that the studying was ineffectual (ie, poor exam scores after studying while texting.) My kids were unschoolers when we started with the phones, and then into college coursework - and it just wasn't an issue. I expected them to manage their own study hours without much input from me, or else they weren't ready for college yet. So I didn't feel a need to put homework limits on cel usage.

So, we've fit them into our family culture smoothly, I think. We have actively tried to set an example of usage, and I think if you are not a cel phone user yourself, that's a tougher spot to be in. I can't exactly say, "Well, up your usage!" if it's just not a tool you utilize in the first place - I think it will just take more conversation and being explicit upfront (and reinforced frequently) regarding expectations you have of the kids and their manners, mindfulness of limits on the accounts (including instructions on how to check that for themselves, etc. I think it may be wise to put a plan into place ahead of time, regarding how overlimits will be handled. It's not really something you want to have to cook up in the heat of the moment, when faced with a large bill and a defensive kid.

Good luck with your decision! I think it's a matter of whether or not you think you can set into place expectations so that your family culture isn't negatively affected by the tool . . . I know you can cook up a good set of expectations, but it's a matter of whether that's something you want to put in place or not. Sometimes, something would take so much structure and input from me, I would not find it worth it. (I can think of a few examples of popular items/activities we've declined for exactly this reason.) It's different for every family, and different for every kid's ability to be mature with usage.


Except that dh doesn't carry a phone and I don't really text.

The phone is a tool, and one I'm glad we have, since it's been useful in emergencies and non-emergencies. I like the fact that Sophia can send a text to my phone with info ... like where she will be for pick up and when. And that I can contact dh and say "There was an accident on the bridge ... I'll be stuck in traffic for at least 2 hours."

The phone is a tool, and as with any tool, it needs some guidelines and safety procedures and rules. And it can be used rudely or politely. I run into way more than my fair share of rude cell phone users (I'll never, ever forget the lady that yelled at my kids in the store!) and feel it's my duty to raise polite cell phone users.

[Rosemary]

I understand all the negative usage seen, and abhor it myself. However, a tool is just a tool - the expression is all in the user. Cel phones (verbal and texting) are an invaluable tool for my family, including my kids. They've each had one since about age 14. At that age, they were barely used - just safety connection back to parents when they were on homeschool outings, etc.

Since then, we've made two big moves and they use them to stay in touch with friends left behind - and they are scrupulous about only using "free" minutes for those long chats. Our lifestyle is not the norm in that sense, the leaving close friends behind. I really want to encourage them to have close friends and feel connected, so this seems a good tool to help that, when we can't help the fact that we must rip them away from those friends periodically.

Upon moving here, Amelia started at the community college and I also went back full time, leaving Tori on her own for hours sometimes. (Although her dad works right here on the base, just moments away - and she was 15, hardly a little kid.) We elected not to get a house line, and that has worked out fine for us. It means that we do have to communicate via cel, though. Texting has been very valuable for our family, because while I was in school, the kids couldn't really call me if they had a problem. However, a discreet, silent text that only needs a short "yes" or "no" or "3:15" or whatever type response can be accomplished, to the benefit of those involved . . . and they definitely restricted themselves to that level of messaging. Having a phone on each kid was also valuable for rounding up the troops from a large campus, when it was time to go. We three were involved in so many different activities, it was hard to keep track of who would be where on any given day . . . so much better just to say, "My lab is done - meet me at the car in five minutes."

The kids (and me too) prefer to text Jon during the day, as he is in and out of exam rooms with patients all day and a text doesn't interrupt that - he can respond to it upon returning to his office. They continue to text me from college just because it's become a habit. They phone if they have something longer to share, knowing they aren't likely interrupting me now.

I was anxious about the text-speak thing, and sort of tried to lead by example there. I send texts with real English, proper grammar and punctuation, etc. I'm sure they do the more hip language with their friends, but I've seen their college papers; it's not spilling over. I had the opportunity to observe/help them closely in their initial college year/years though, and so could be influential there. It's definitely a place to step in, if you can - but the reasons for making sure older kids have tight writing skills is hardly limited to ensuring the text-speak is nowhere to be seen.

And finally, they are definitely required to observe etiquette surrounding the phone - dinnertime, etc. We already have to be flexible on the point of phone calls during meals because Jon is *always* on call for the CG, even when he's not expressly the duty doc. (Heh, we call it being the Dry Doc, since he can't drink anything in case there's a case . . . like dry dock (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drydock), 'cause it's the CG. We are nerds :-P.) But they have no problem differentiating between his medical calls, and social calls that need to be deferred. If they had objected, I would have countered that a child who cannot tell the difference, is not a child ready for a cel phone - and I would have had my hand held out for the phone. When it's just Jon and me, we do respond to texts from the girls during meals, but it's not like they weren't already the subject of conversation. The only rule we ever put on them besides Please Don't Lose It (lol!) was to save chatty calls for free hours. We have unlimited texting so we didn't make any rules about that, but it is largely because Jon and I text so much, not because the girls were running up the bill - that's never been the case. Jon and I text back and forth a LOT, but it's also a case of Jon getting a lot of texts from his active duty patients, who tend to be young adults (and busy in the field!) If I thought it was affecting homework, I would talk to the kid about that. They might not MIND that it takes longer with interruptions for texts, but I would not be happy if, say, it ate into family chore time (or togetherness time) and also if it was apparent that the studying was ineffectual (ie, poor exam scores after studying while texting.) My kids were unschoolers when we started with the phones, and then into college coursework - and it just wasn't an issue. I expected them to manage their own study hours without much input from me, or else they weren't ready for college yet. So I didn't feel a need to put homework limits on cel usage.

So, we've fit them into our family culture smoothly, I think. We have actively tried to set an example of usage, and I think if you are not a cel phone user yourself, that's a tougher spot to be in. I can't exactly say, "Well, up your usage!" if it's just not a tool you utilize in the first place - I think it will just take more conversation and being explicit upfront (and reinforced frequently) regarding expectations you have of the kids and their manners, mindfulness of limits on the accounts (including instructions on how to check that for themselves) etc. I think it may be wise to put a plan into place ahead of time, regarding how overlimits will be handled. It's not really something you want to have to cook up in the heat of the moment, when faced with a large bill and a defensive kid.

Good luck with your decision! I think it's a matter of whether or not you think you can set into place expectations so that your family culture isn't negatively affected by the tool . . . I know you can cook up a good set of expectations, but it's a matter of whether that's something you want to put in place or not. Sometimes, something would take so much structure and input from me, I would not find it worth it. (I can think of a few examples of popular items/activities we've declined for exactly this reason.) It's different for every family, and different for every kid's ability to be mature with usage.
Yes I don't find text speak spilling into their schoolwork, but on occasion I have to remind M that I am his unhip and uncool mom, NOT His friend...sometimes he calls me when I'm on my way home from work and he just got home from school and he says

WAT UP YO!

Please, I cannot take that!!!

[Seppie]

This is pretty much where we are, even though my kids are younger. Dante's phone makes me feel better about the fact that he gets himself to and from school on his own, and that he gets out of school an hour and a half before I get off work (most days he goes to my mom's, but the phone is also a tool for them to communicate and that way she doesn't freak out if he goes home instead).

I first got it when I didn't have a home phone and needed to leave the kids alone so I could go run around the block. I took my phone on my run, they had theirs, and it gave peace of mind to all of us. Now, I still pay for the service, but Dante paid for his own phone because he wanted something fancier than the hand-me-down Nokia I gave him. Now DH's kids have the hand-me-down Nokia. Dante has unlimited minutes and unlimited texting, DH's kids have 200 minutes and unlimited texting. The reason for that is that they are younger, and the sole purpose of that phone is so DH can talk to them when they are at their mom's. AFAIK, they don't text at this point, but I expect that will change soon. Dante probably texts family more than he texts friends, and the kids do know that we can check their phones at any time.

But we're a texting family, period. Yesterday my mom texted me to let me know that she was dropping something off at school, I texted DH so he knew my mom had done it and he didn't have to, Dante texted me to tell me to bring chips home because he was making guacamole, my sister texted me about our "signature drink" for Thanksgiving this year, DH texted me to tell me he wasn't going to make it to Sebastian's tae kwon do class...It does get a little ridiculous when I'm in bed on a Saturday and I get a text from downstairs saying "Dante is ready for you to make pancakes for breakfast" but I just text him back, "If you want them right now, you'll have to make them yourself" and roll over, so it's no worse than him pounding on the bedroom door (and I do think it's funny that he refers to himself in 3rd person when he texts me). I'm also a grammar/proper English texter -- no text-speak here!

Oh, and he just told me that 3 of his 5 good friends don't have phones. He says he texts one of the others maybe 10 times a week, and the other one maybe 100 times a week, so we're definitely not into the thousands yet...But he says it might be if the other kids had phones. He knows that I can check his messages any time, and he is a pretty sensible kid with pretty sensible friends, so I don't worry at this point.

[keight]

No one blames the nail clipper when people cut their fingernails on the subway; why do people blame the cell phone when people text at inappropriate times or places?

[Jill]

and she takes the rule seriously. She doesn't take her phone with her unless there is a reason - not allowed at school anyway so nbd yk? Her texts seem to all be
"Hey, Jojo, going to gym tonight?" or "Hi. What are you doing tomorrow after school?"
she isn't into the whole having a conversation thing with anyone - not on the phone, either though.


Not sure if this was a directed to person question or general, but I'll answer anyway! As the parent I reserve the right to look at any email, IM, text, etc. that comes in through the computers WE OWN in the home WE OWN, etc, etc. If a child is not willing to share a password then they are not allowed the privilege of owning that electronic thing. This is not negotiable. They also know not to clear history/empty deleted messages, etc. To clear history is to raise suspicion, so just don't go there!

Now, do I actually read everything? Nope, but I reserve the right to and I definitely do spot check things every here and there. Texts are not private (and I do check those, simply because they are so few and because I need to know how many are coming/going since we do not have a texting plan), neither are emails and I think it is VERY important for a kid to know and realize that sending private info via technology is a very bad idea. Nothing is private online or via phone! If what you have to say is private, say it to their face. If what you have to say is potentially hurtful, say it to their face. I'm old fashioned that way, and am teaching my kids similarly.

My motto is trust but verify. I trust my kids, quite a bit, but I do verify that the trust is deserved.

[Debra]

I send texts with real English, proper grammar and punctuation, etc.

Great post, Mandi! And I do the same, I always text with proper English and punctuation. Typing out "r u hngry 4 mex fd 2nite" just is too painful. I cannot do it. LOL

[Debra]

Embarrassingly, I spent most of the afternoon on the internet comparing companies and costs. They are all jumbled in my head now, but I don't think I found anything as cheap as what you have, Debra! The Verizon plan I looked at would be about $110 a month with no internet and unlimited messaging (and they would be compatible with our Rhapsody account).

I looked into at&t, and for three phones with unlimited messaging (family), it looks like it comes to about $99.

Right now we are paying about $30 a month for cell phone stuff.

Eep..I'm just not sure I want to take the plunge!

Well, we did sign up almost 5 years ago so maybe that's part of why we got it so cheap. It also helps if you get a "bundle" through them, your internet or cable, etc. It's a hard decision to rope yourself into more money, especially with contracts, etc. I hope you find the perfect solution for your family. :-)

[boomerang]

So far Logan does not have a cell phone yet (he'll be 12 next week). Very few of his friends have them. We got a new cell phone plan in August and could have added a line for him for $10 and he said he wasn't ready for it yet. He sees it as too mature of a thing for him. In many ways he still wants to remain a kid. :-) He is just starting to get to a point where he makes and receives more phone calls on our regular home phone with his friends, so I'm not sure where I stand on texting because he's not there yet. I will definitely give him a lot of cautions before he is given access to texting though.

DH and I have texting to each other. It should probably surprise no one that I LOVE texting. Texting for DH and I is pretty indispensable because he can't receive phone calls at work. I hate text speak though and only use abbreviations like "u" if I'm running over on message length. :-) I have a few people on my Facebook friends who are my age who type their status in text speak and it drives me absolutely crazy! Even just seeing "U R the only 1 who can decide ur fate!" just gets my blood pressure up. I care too much about spelling to let my kids type like that.




I'm watching CNN this morning, and lately in the news they've been talking about texting. Today's story was on texting and communication skills.

We went from a family with one cell phone to share, to three cell phones within a year (well, Kaleb had a cell phone but didn't use it until last year). Kaleb has a very, very basic pay-as-you go phone and we started paying $20 a month for him to have unlimited texting because we found out very quickly that that is how kids seem to communicate these days (He went through a $20 top-up in one week, so we figured $20 a month was more economical!). I did think at first that he should just learn to live with the limit, but DH was feeling that socially it was important for him to be able to keep up....soooo. We got Bethany a cell phone as well, and only pay about $20 every 3 months or so, just to keep the service up. She uses it a little bit, mostly for emergencies or for when she goes to a friend's house, etc. Many of her friends are attached to theirs. She gets a lot of text forwards, but thankfully she can see that it's a forward before she accepts it and deletes them without using her minutes.

Anyway.....DH and I were thinking of getting a contract through Verizon (who our current phone is through, although we are on my IL's plan, and we just pay them every month. So, we are out very little money). This would be a huge jump in our monthly finances, but have already made some cuts to account for it (also considering the $20 a month we spend on K's phone). Kaleb requested a new phone for Christmas, more compatible for texting (and we thought a perfect opportunity for getting him a new MP3 player, since the phone we are considering has v-cast and we have a Rhapsody account). Bethany has been asking as well...and I thought it would be nice to get a nicer phone for me.


All that babbling to say....now I am having second thoughts. I am not sure how healthy this texting thing has become. Not only that, the potential for something to get recorded or filmed or photographed and spread around. It's all so scary to me (well...that worries me anyway, on other kids' phones).

What are your family views on cell phones for older kids, texting, etc. If your older kids have phones, what are your rules about their use? I already know DH and I need to sit down with Kaleb and make some rules. So far we haven't, and I can see how it makes his homework drag out longer.

I can just imagine what excitement there would be on Christmas morning...but I am not sure it is worth it. What to do, what to do...

[lisabelle]

Personally, I hate the texting thing. From what I've seen of my friends that have older kids it seems like a slippery slope--next thing you know you're out with these kids and instead of enjoying what they're doing--you know, being in the moment--they're texting their friends about it. And it seems like there are always the constant reminders to put the phone away at meals or whatever.

Matt really wants a cell phone that's good for texting, but he's not someone I see really using it. I mean, the boy barely *talks* on the phone. He has a FB account, as do a lot of his friends, but they really don't communicate with each other that way either.

Personally, I'm not a texter, and I don't see myself becoming one either. I have a very primitive cell phone that makes it a PITA to text (now, I *want* an iPhone, but it's for the apps and for Internet--I still don't care about texting). I can see where texting might come in handy every once in a while but I don't ever see it being a preferred mode of communication. Then again, I'm someone who doesn't answer the phone at home when company is over or even when I'm in the middle of a family conversation. To me, it's important that the people I'm *with* understand that they are a higher priority than people who are calling or texting--and I really want Matt to treat people that way as well.

All that being said, I am a realist about these things...and while this sort of Luddite mentality may work for me and for the privileges I give Matt right now...it may not always work. Given Matt's temperament, if he were to have texting, his phone would have to be off while he was doing homework and while he is having meals with his family. I'd be teaching him that he's not to be texting back and forth with one friend while he's actually *with* another. The dh and I will be the only ones allowed to clear his texting history.

[leannan_si]

We just gave DS (15) his first cell phone yesterday. :eyes: Apparently we were the last parents on Earth to deny their child a phone. :jester: We did not give him a texting plan. I absolutely do not want him to get hooked on texting and I don't see that there is or will be a need for texting for him. I wanted to upgrade my phone (apparently I am also the only woman on Earth who doesn't text or use minutes like my life depends on it by the way the sales guy tried not to look at me:rotfl:) and we felt like there have been a few times in the last few months were it would have been nice if he had a phone too. If we see that he's becoming too attached to it and we feel that he's not being healthy about it's use, we won't hesitate to take it away.

[leannan_si]

And we just got to go over all the options yesterday. :-) You buy one line and then the additional lines are $10 a month. You can pay $5 per line for 200 texts per month or $30 unlimited texting for all lines.

[niteowll]

Can I ask if you look at their texts?

This has been a question I've had for other parents. A few months ago, DH happened to see K's phone as a message came in, while it was sitting on the computer desk and K was off somewhere else in the house. DH decided to take a peek, and shared with me, and how glad he was that the texts were very harmless. I was unsure how I felt about it, and he hasn't looked since.

Kaleb occasionally texts his guy friends, but it seems he mostly texts with girls. They text him A LOT.
if they are up to no good, and they know you sometimes will read their texts, they will just delete those. Just from my experiences from my DD and her friend.

ETA: I do tell her that Ii will compare the online list of text messages sent to what is in her phone, but that is because she has lost my trust currently. Younger DD, I pick up her phone every so often and read it too, just so she is used to me reading it as well.

[kokoro]

What I am seeing in the young people who are in classes with me is that they text all the time! They don't talk to one another all that much. Most hallways are quiet with students walking along slowly, staring at their cell phones and texting. Many, many text DURING class! They hide their cell phones on their laps and text in the class.

I worry about their thumbs. I think many are going to have carpal tunnel. They are also *missing many college experiences* because they are mentally checked out of the situation where they are. They aren't experiencing walking around campus and chatting with friends, looking at the sky, seeing trees, clouds, thinking in their heads quietly, being alone with their thoughts, getting to know someone new who sits next to them in class, etc because they are busy texting, texting, texting someone NOT there with them at the time. I think this is such a bad thing. And of course texting DURING class is really rude and when people are paying tons of money to go to school it's really stupid.

What I see is it can easily become a SERIOUS addiction in many. Yes, people should be responsible, etc but the device lends itself to addiction IMO. Think about the internet and how that can be overused by so many. This is worse because it can be carried everywhere. I don't think *I* could handle having the ability to check the internet wherever I went.

When I go for help in the math labs at the two schools I see the tutors are texting. Sometimes they are still texting while they are helping me and other students. I get a tiny split amount of their attention and it takes forever to get help if someone is REALLY texting a lot while tutoring. They just have to have it. Can't put it down.

I am dreading this subject in the future with Dante. I don't want him texting. I can see that leaving him out socially in a very negative way.

I think what I described is VERY common and only going to get worse and worse. I even have had other parents who I was having a conversation with start texting in the middle of the conversation! I think we will just see more and more and more of this.

[Rosemary]

What I am seeing in the young people who are in classes with me is that they text all the time! They don't talk to one another all that much. Most hallways are quiet with students walking along slowly, staring at their cell phones and texting. Many, many text DURING class! They hide their cell phones on their laps and text in the class.

I worry about their thumbs. I think many are going to have carpal tunnel. They are also *missing many college experiences* because they are mentally checked out of the situation where they are. They aren't experiencing walking around campus and chatting with friends, looking at the sky, seeing trees, clouds, thinking in their heads quietly, being alone with their thoughts, getting to know someone new who sits next to them in class, etc because they are busy texting, texting, texting someone NOT there with them at the time. I think this is such a bad thing. And of course texting DURING class is really rude and when people are paying tons of money to go to school it's really stupid.

What I see is it can easily become a SERIOUS addiction in many. Yes, people should be responsible, etc but the device lends itself to addiction IMO. Think about the internet and how that can be overused by so many. This is worse because it can be carried everywhere. I don't think *I* could handle having the ability to check the internet wherever I went.

When I go for help in the math labs at the two schools I see the tutors are texting. Sometimes they are still texting while they are helping me and other students. I get a tiny split amount of their attention and it takes forever to get help if someone is REALLY texting a lot while tutoring. They just have to have it. Can't put it down.

I am dreading this subject in the future with Dante. I don't want him texting. I can see that leaving him out socially in a very negative way.

I think what I described is VERY common and only going to get worse and worse. I even have had other parents who I was having a conversation with start texting in the middle of the conversation! I think we will just see more and more and more of this.
I do think you are right that most young people are very addicted to texting. They do just text everywhere. It is bothersome to have a cashier with her cell phone right next to her waiting on you, and texting at the same time. Same with schools...I will challenge most parents who swear that their kids (I am talking highschool age) are not texting during class. Sure some are not, but most are. Teachers do it too. Kids and adults texting while driving - oh yeah they are at a stop! Drives me insane!

[Debra]

And we just got to go over all the options yesterday. :-) You buy one line and then the additional lines are $10 a month. You can pay $5 per line for 200 texts per month or $30 unlimited texting for all lines.

Yep, that sounds right. And I checked last month to make sure Alex isn't going over on his 200 texts a month and he is averaging about 40-50 texts a month so far. Obviously that plan wouldn't work for a big texter though. :-)

[MadAboutYou]

I have an iphone and I love texting. It fits in my life very well because during the day, I can't be on the phone very much. Texting works well because I can answer a short answer or long or ignore till I can get to it. I text with my family and friends, and dh. I do prefer the phone in the evening but when I'm at work, texting is great.

Cc has wanted one since this summer. We're getting her one partly to keep in touch with her when she's away from us (spends time at both of her grandparents and goes over to friends a lot on the weekends) and also because her BFF is going to a different school this year, so we want to give her that tool to keep in closer touch.

The "rules" will be the same for her as us: not talking/texting during dinner, family time, etc.

She uses my phone to text now so is already familiar with what is okay and not okay. Plus, she is a rule-follower. :-P

It's so hard to find a gift for her (she never wants anything) that I am SUPER excited to be able to give her something she really wants.:yay:

[Bonny]

We haven't had to set many rules. Once in a while I will tell dd to turn the phone off. But generally when we are having dinnertime, familytime (HA she's never home LOL) her phone is in her bedroom.

The general rules w her cell phone are that if I need to reach her ... I'm able to (and vise versa).

Dh and I text a LOT. Like tonight, he and ds are at a state FB game, sitting several rows back from DD and the boy who took her to the game. I only know that he's keeping an eye on them, thanks to texting. Brilliant!

[mirage1]

No one blames the nail clipper when people cut their fingernails on the subway; why do people blame the cell phone when people text at inappropriate times or places?:notworthy:

[Amanda]

I think it's a matter of whether or not you think you can set into place expectations so that your family culture isn't negatively affected by the tool . . . I know you can cook up a good set of expectations, but it's a matter of whether that's something you want to put in place or not. Sometimes, something would take so much structure and input from me, I would not find it worth it.

Thank you for putting into words something I have struggled with expressing. There are a number of kinds of technology that our family has not yet embraced (like computer/e-mail for the kids) because the management of it would negatively affect our family culture at this time. I'm open to that changing, but it is really important to me to preserve the balance, and part of that balance includes how much something would fall on me to manage (or micromanage) to maintain our values.

(And thank you for the phrase "family culture" - you used it awhile back to describe mine, and it is a great phrase. I use it often now.)

FTR, my kids' peers don't have cell phones (Everest is 11-1/2.) Some of their older siblings do, but I think it started around 13-14 for most of them. I am curious to ask their moms what their family rules have been.

Keep in mind that most of our friends do not have TV and ours is not the only family without computer access. We had a family cell phone for awhile and it barely got used, so we canceled it (plenty of people don't have cell phones here). I am sure we would have a different experience with these things if our local subculture was different.

[Storymama]

I have an iphone and I love texting. It fits in my life very well because during the day, I can't be on the phone very much. Texting works well because I can answer a short answer or long or ignore till I can get to it. I text with my family and friends, and dh. I do prefer the phone in the evening but when I'm at work, texting is great.
I always say that texting feels like leaving a sticky note for someone - a "please answer this at your convenience" message. It feels so much less intrusive to me than a phone call.

I remembered the other thing for which I really value texting: sending/receiving a shopping list from home!! It does me no good to hear a verbal recitation of what to buy, read aloud from whomever is staring at the list. I will forget it as soon as I hang up, LOL! Just text me the damn list, so I can shop from that!! (Visual, much :spinning:?? LOL!)

[Jill]

I recently went to lunch with a friend - a friend who is in her 40s even - and she had her blackberry with her. Well, I don't think she made eye contact with me once during the whole time. She was talking, but not "into" the conversation. She was texting and checking the internet, like she couldn't help herself. The thing is, it wasn't because she was bored with ME, it wasn't because she didn't want to be there - but she is so used to having to be "on" that thing for work and stuff that she doesn't know how NOT to do it anymore. It's sad.

My nieces are the same way. Family gatherings are so strange when they are all just sitting at the table or on the couch silently texting and you'll hear the occasional giggle or OMG but that's it. I hate it.

I take my cell with me pretty much everywhere I go because I need the schools to be able to get a hold of me and I like to be able to call a friend to make a quick plan to meet up etc....but I don't like to be so available to people all the time, frankly. There are times I just don't want to talk - to ANYONE - or times that it's rude for me to do so (shopping, in the check out line, library, etc) and then I have all this anxiety when I don't answer a call becuase I might forget to call them back, etc. I seriously wish cell phones never became such a freaking necessity.

I am so glad that at least so far, Jordan is either too busy or too uninterested to worry about texting. If I see her "check out" I fully intend to take her phone away from her. It's one of my big issues.



What I am seeing in the young people who are in classes with me is that they text all the time! They don't talk to one another all that much. Most hallways are quiet with students walking along slowly, staring at their cell phones and texting. Many, many text DURING class! They hide their cell phones on their laps and text in the class.

I worry about their thumbs. I think many are going to have carpal tunnel. They are also *missing many college experiences* because they are mentally checked out of the situation where they are. They aren't experiencing walking around campus and chatting with friends, looking at the sky, seeing trees, clouds, thinking in their heads quietly, being alone with their thoughts, getting to know someone new who sits next to them in class, etc because they are busy texting, texting, texting someone NOT there with them at the time. I think this is such a bad thing. And of course texting DURING class is really rude and when people are paying tons of money to go to school it's really stupid.

What I see is it can easily become a SERIOUS addiction in many. Yes, people should be responsible, etc but the device lends itself to addiction IMO. Think about the internet and how that can be overused by so many. This is worse because it can be carried everywhere. I don't think *I* could handle having the ability to check the internet wherever I went.

When I go for help in the math labs at the two schools I see the tutors are texting. Sometimes they are still texting while they are helping me and other students. I get a tiny split amount of their attention and it takes forever to get help if someone is REALLY texting a lot while tutoring. They just have to have it. Can't put it down.

I am dreading this subject in the future with Dante. I don't want him texting. I can see that leaving him out socially in a very negative way.

I think what I described is VERY common and only going to get worse and worse. I even have had other parents who I was having a conversation with start texting in the middle of the conversation! I think we will just see more and more and more of this.

[Jill]

I know that there are girls in Jordan's class/grade who text incessantly because I hear about it from their moms when I see them around town. For whatever reason though, none of Jordan's friends are big texters. I think it's just that she tends to have friends who have similar lifestyles (or family cultures?) and they are also busy with sports or theater stuff and don't have the time or opportunity to do much of it. Other than just a hello what's up let's make a date kind of text she just never gets any. Her friends are from many different groups, too - she's got friends from her sports, friends who are the children of MY friends, school friends, and friends she meets through other friends...and so far, no big texters. We'll see if that changes when she gets to middle school, but I am thinking maybe it won't. I might just be naive though.

Anyway, back to family culture - this is so important to me! We do have computers (too many of them!) and TV, and our kids all have access pretty much as they desire. With an exception for Drew, who needs to have limits or he would NEVER stop, it has not been a problem for us. Jordan has just never been very "media drawn" and only uses it occasionally for emails from her friend who lives up in Cleveland that we met on a cruise. She doesn't get emails or send emails to anyone else, though if she wanted to she certainly could. Drew has no interest in email but he does meet up with friends at Club Penguin and Webkinz. He is my farmer on my Farmville at FB too LOL...he's more game oriented than socially motivated. Emily is like Jordan with the puter but she can get sucked into TV big time so we have to watch her that way.
I just refuse to be a family that is together only physically if there is anything I can do about it. I want us to have a healthy dinner table dynamic, I want my kids to stay tuned in to our family life and not go around the world all checked out. I will play the heavy on this if I need to at any time and I don't really care if it makes my child the only one who doesn't "x"....Of course it's not my GOAL for that to happen, but my family culture hinges on connectedness and if that goes, something has to change.


Thank you for putting into words something I have struggled with expressing. There are a number of kinds of technology that our family has not yet embraced (like computer/e-mail for the kids) because the management of it would negatively affect our family culture at this time. I'm open to that changing, but it is really important to me to preserve the balance, and part of that balance includes how much something would fall on me to manage (or micromanage) to maintain our values.

(And thank you for the phrase "family culture" - you used it awhile back to describe mine, and it is a great phrase. I use it often now.)

FTR, my kids' peers don't have cell phones (Everest is 11-1/2.) Some of their older siblings do, but I think it started around 13-14 for most of them. I am curious to ask their moms what their family rules have been.

Keep in mind that most of our friends do not have TV and ours is not the only family without computer access. We had a family cell phone for awhile and it barely got used, so we canceled it (plenty of people don't have cell phones here). I am sure we would have a different experience with these things if our local subculture was different.