Google stalking...

[Amanda]

...I'm wondering why it is bad.

I can understand why it might feel creepy to discover that someone you don't like or don't want to have your current info was trying to find out about you. That I totally get.

But I have heard this phrase, "Google stalking," here a few times, and I'm wondering if I'm guilty of it? And if it is really bad?

I love Google. I love the Internet. I'm an information junkie. I love knowing thoughtful details about people I am getting to know.

When I meet someone new that I think I'd like to get to know better, I Google them to see what I can find out about them. If they have a website or a blog, I read it. I will sometimes search for their address (if their location didn't come up in conversation) to find out how near to me they live (living rurally, it matters.)

I just don't have a lot of time for social interacting, and it's often interrupted by kids' needs. But I love the feeling that I know someone more than superficially, and sometimes that is hard to cultivate. I don't think it's bad to grab some background info as a bit of a "getting-to-know-you" shortcut.

Also, I operate under the assumption that anything you put online is fair game to be shared with whomever wants to read it. Yes, I have gotten personal in some of my posts here and might later regret that on occasion, but I'm usually pretty careful not to put things traceably online that I wouldn't want my mother or my grandfather or my first boyfriend or my first-grade teacher or my boss reading. I see it as my job to responsibly filter my online presence. If someone is interested enough to look me up and read what they can find, I take it as a compliment.

But based on the recent references to "Google stalking," I'm wondering how others feel about this. If I met you at a social event and we had a brief conversation that seemed like the start of an interesting friendship, but it wasn't clear when or how our paths would meet again, would you Google me? Would you be comfortable with me Googling you?

I guess the same would apply to Facebook, but obviously Google doesn't let you friend-filter stuff.

Thoughts?

[candeo]

I feel very much the way that you do. I figure that anything that's on the internet is completely public - since it is theoretically available to just about the entire human population, and everyone knows that, I think it's fair to treat it that way. There are easy ways to at least somewhat protect things that you don't want available to just about the entire human population, so if someone hasn't done those things, then I assume they are okay with anybody and everybody reading it.

I've also posted personal things here that I wouldn't necessarily want circulated around the globe, but nothing that would be a catastrophe if it were. But this is the only place that I am not scrupulously careful - even in email, I am (with a few exceptions of very close friends) always writing with an awareness that this email could get forwarded, accidentally read, copied and saved for years and then brought out again, etc.

I think that people put stuff on their blogs or wherever because they want people to read it, right? And they make their blogs public because they don't mind anybody reading it, right? I know that some people don't feel that way, and they make their blogs public because they don't know how to protect them, or because they think it's easier for their friends and family if they don't, but I don't know which people those are. I can't tell on my end if this is a blog that the person wants the world to read, or doesn't want the world to read. So it makes more sense for me to assume that, because they put it publicly on the internet, it is public and I can read it.

[mirage1]

I'm with you. If anything, I find it kind of flattering. I've told this before, but once a long time ago I sent someone (after a first or second date) a link to a photo of my dog online - it happened to be on a small website which included older Christmas newsletters from when I was married, and photos my daughter. But, I just sent him the link right to the photo, not even considering that he might be savvy enough to go up a few levels and look at the rest of it.

On our next date, after about 20 minutes he admitted kind of sheepishly and apologetically that he'd read everything that was there - because he was curious. I was a little bit surprised (like I'd said, I hadn't even thought of that as a possibility!) but I was mostly just appreciating that he was that interested in what I had to share.

[Tracy]

I feel the same as you. It doesn't bother me and I don't put anything out there that would be devastating if found. As a matter of fact, whenever I post anything, I keep in mind that someone I know could read it.

[Meagan]

I'm the same as you. I've always been an information-seeker and will often scope out somebody's online persona if I find them interesting. I might jokingly refer to it as google-stalking, but it's not really STALKING the way it would be if I were peeping through their blinds or digging through their trash. Anything I can find is out there because somebody published it online and put their name to it, you know?

[indigo]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. What I think is a little creepy is when people, in certain contexts, reveal that they've google-stalked you, though. I tried to explain once on yaaps why it felt really weird to me that my dad had google-stalked my kid, and a lot of people couldn't understand it. What was uncomfortable to me wasn't even that he did it, but that he revealed it. That, I felt, was a bit of a faux-pas.

[JaamE]

I do it, i guess it's partly wanting to know more about someone w/o feeling weird asking, and partly seeing if they're some sort of ax-wielding freak. Like the guy my friend was interested in that turned out to be a Nazi. I think it's fun to try and find things online. If i can find your address i will try and find a picture of your house (and i can, alot of times). I dunno, knowing what color your house is is interesting i guess LOL.

[Amanda_Reyasmom]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. What I think is a little creepy is when people, in certain contexts, reveal that they've google-stalked you, though. I tried to explain once on yaaps why it felt really weird to me that my dad had google-stalked my kid, and a lot of people couldn't understand it. What was uncomfortable to me wasn't even that he did it, but that he revealed it. That, I felt, was a bit of a faux-pas.


That's how I feel. It does make me uncomfortable in some instances. If I found out someone I *just* met did it I wouldn't be thrilled.

[Storymama]

Using a tool on the internet (like Google, but many others too which seem to have become lumped together when we refer to "googling") once or twice is availing yourself of a handy tool. Using the discovered information to obsessively pour over the data and hang on the clock, waiting for updates so you can track every waking moment the other person executes, is stalking.

I'm fairly certain you don't do the latter :-P.

[Debra]

Well, I'll be the lone freak. :-P I do find it kind of creepy and I have never Googled someone I know or just met that I can recall. :dunno:

[azul99]

Well, I'll be the lone freak. :-P I do find it kind of creepy and I have never Googled someone I know or just met that I can recall. :dunno:

I find it kind of creepy too. I know that whatever information is out there, is out there, but that doesn't make it any less creepy (to me).

[Jessica]

Well, I'll be the lone freak. :-P I do find it kind of creepy and I have never Googled someone I know or just met that I can recall. :dunno:

This is me. I certainly know that whatever I put out in to the www is free game, but, it gets a little creepy to me when someone actively seeks out these things if they barely know me. It just feels...stalkerish.

[indigo]

This is me. I certainly know that whatever I put out in to the www is free game, but, it gets a little creepy to me when someone actively seeks out these things if they barely know me. It just feels...stalkerish.

See, and I actually find it more creepy if it's someone I know well! Because presumably I've been sharing with them what I want to share specifically with them all along.

But really, I just don't want to know about it. I do cyber-stalk Colin Firth but I'd be embarrassed if someone told him. So let's keep it a secret.

[Amanda]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. What I think is a little creepy is when people, in certain contexts, reveal that they've google-stalked you, though. I tried to explain once on yaaps why it felt really weird to me that my dad had google-stalked my kid, and a lot of people couldn't understand it. What was uncomfortable to me wasn't even that he did it, but that he revealed it. That, I felt, was a bit of a faux-pas.

Hmm. So it's fine to do it, but creepy to admit to it? :-P I guess I would feel better knowing how someone knew more about me than I'd told them directly. To me, hearing "I looked you up on Google, that's how I know you like pickled herring" would be a bit of a relief. Then I'd know they weren't peeping in my fridge when I wasn't home, or something.

Also I am not a fan of keeping secrets. But maybe this is not a secret, maybe it's just one of those polite things you should keep to yourself in conversation so you don't make someone uncomfortable. Like "I am not surprised your MIL is divorcing your FIL, because I saw her making out with your brother outside the library last week..." I'd keep that to myself and might even feign surprise at the divorce news. Maybe it's like that. Sort of.

I did tell someone that I was enjoying getting to know them through their blog. Their blog is linked on their public website or Facebook page, so it seemed reasonable that they'd expect people would read it.

I wouldn't feel weird if my mom said she'd looked my kids' names up online to see what was out there. But maybe that is different than stalking.

It is interesting to see people's perspectives on this. I don't intend to not look people up, but I want to be considerate and polite about it when I do.

[indigo]

Hmm. So it's fine to do it, but creepy to admit to it? :-P I guess I would feel better knowing how someone knew more about me than I'd told them directly. To me, hearing "I looked you up on Google, that's how I know you like pickled herring" would be a bit of a relief. Then I'd know they weren't peeping in my fridge when I wasn't home, or something.

Also I am not a fan of keeping secrets. But maybe this is not a secret, maybe it's just one of those polite things you should keep to yourself in conversation so you don't make someone uncomfortable. Like "I am not surprised your MIL is divorcing your FIL, because I saw her making out with your brother outside the library last week..." I'd keep that to myself and might even feign surprise at the divorce news. Maybe it's like that. Sort of.

I did tell someone that I was enjoying getting to know them through their blog. Their blog is linked on their public website or Facebook page, so it seemed reasonable that they'd expect people would read it.

I wouldn't feel weird if my mom said she'd looked my kids' names up online to see what was out there. But maybe that is different than stalking.

It is interesting to see people's perspectives on this. I don't intend to not look people up, but I want to be considerate and polite about it when I do.

Yeah, I just think it's something that can make people uncomfortable, so it's best not to mention it. Saying, "I enjoy your blog" is different, though, especially if it's linked to their website or Facebook page.

What happened with us is that my dad did a whole bunch of cyber-searching to find a journal that my dd keeps, using just her full name, just her first name. Then he sent me an email responding to something she wrote, as if it were written specifically to him. It seemed over the top to me, because it was totally clear that the message was written to her teen, artist-y friends. Yes, it was public, if you looked through enough google search results to find it.

Interestingly, about an hour after he sent me the email he called me to tell me "never mind, don't forward her that email." As soon as he sent it, I think he sensed that he had crossed a somewhat creepy line.

That's what I mean...the stuff is public, but not super easy to find. It clearly is intended for a specific audience. She didn't write anything that was embarrassing, or detrimental if viewed by anyone. But to search it out, and then respond as if it's intended for you was just odd and off-putting, and I think he figured that out. Sure, go ahead and look to your heart's content. But don't make someone uncomfortable with the fact that you read it.

[Amanda]

Oh, I totally get that. Like, I have some of my friends' teenage kids on my Facebook, but I generally refrain from commenting on their updates because it's probably too weird to have your mom's friend do that. Depends on the update, but this is my general rule of thumb.

Yeah, considering the intended audience is something I just took for granted, but it is definitely important. I get it.

This is like a whole new realm of social etiquette.

[keight]

I do work under the assumption that there's no privacy on the internet, and i don't assume anything i post will stay private. But when, on a third date, you find out that the person you're dating has read your blog going back three years, and all you've done is google their name to make sure they aren't a serial killer, it's a bit off-putting.

And when your ex still reads your blog years after you broke up, that's also creepy.

[Amanda]

I do work under the assumption that there's no privacy on the internet, and i don't assume anything i post will stay private. But when, on a third date, you find out that the person you're dating has read your blog going back three years, and all you've done is google their name to make sure they aren't a serial killer, it's a bit off-putting.

And when your ex still reads your blog years after you broke up, that's also creepy.

Yes, I agree about your ex reading your blog. That is just weird.

I would totally read whatever I could find on someone by the third date. To me, it would be a compliment to that person that I was so interested in getting to know them. I guess some people find it complimentary and some find it creepy. I don't know how you would know which kind of person someone was without asking, and that might be going too far. Would it have been less creepy if the 3rd-date-guy had kept it to himself and not told you?

[mirage1]

I do work under the assumption that there's no privacy on the internet, and i don't assume anything i post will stay private. But when, on a third date, you find out that the person you're dating has read your blog going back three years, and all you've done is google their name to make sure they aren't a serial killer, it's a bit off-putting.
I can't help but think that for me, this is one of those things that's colored by how you're already feeling about the person. If it were someone I really felt like I was hitting it off with, I'd probably be flattered that he was interested enough to read whatever I'd put on paper. If it were a situation where I was already feeling like the third date might be our last, it would feel intrusive. LOL. Kind of like the SNL skit about sexual harrassment (http://play.killerfrog.com/b8b8b8l0/SNL-Skit-on-Sexual-Harassment.html).

It's the same way with questions on dates. There have been some dates when the guy is asking me about my life and it seems very natural, like he's just interested and curious, and others where I'm just thinking, "You know, I don't want to tell you anything about me because I don't want you to know me any better than you already do." ~checks watch~